Sunday, June 20, 2010

pointless opinions needed

Semi-pointless blog here...(I just always feel like I should warn you) But I am in need of opinions. Of course, please remember that the comment lines won’t open until the end of the blogging post…

So I decided when I got my Rewards Debit Card that I’m always going to use the rewards for something I need/want and never for anything ubberly responsible, like paying bills. Ok, that just sounded selfishly irresponsible. So I should clarify that 95.49302% of the time, I use ALL my extra money for bills…birthday money…Christmas money…etc. (mostly because I tend to always work for non-profits…which…you know…isn’t always so…profitable) So my rewards card selfish declaration isn’t really that selfish. I sometimes get SO ridiculously caught up in a frugal/conserve/responsible mindset that I start feeling guilty for ever spending money. If you could only witness the internal drama and guilt that occurs in my head when it comes time to buy make-up or something like that. It’s ridiculous really. 

ANYWAYS...So last time I got the cash reward I got a fantastic bookcase for my office. Love it. Makes me freaking happy And’s that time again, boys and girls…I have $100 to do whatever I want. But I can’t decide! Cause I need WAY too many I’ve narrowed it down to a few items…and now…I need opinions…everyone ready?

#1. Luggage. My last set was given to me at my high school graduation. Which was…well…let’s just say that numerous reunions have already happened since then. It’s completely falling apart. I don’t have exact pictures of what I want…but TJ Maxx and Ross always have super cutie luggage for great prices.

#2. An office chair. For my office at home. And again, I don’t have an exact one picked out yet. I don’t want one with wheels like at work-offices…but I want a fun fabulous funky one that will DRAW me to my desk to work on things like blogging and studying and things like that.

#3. Dishes. I desperately need new plates and stuff in my kitchen. Actually, the kitchen is the one room I have yet to have even a remote decorating concept. It’s pretty eclectic and random right now. I do have wine bottles everywhere…but it’s not yet fully pulled together as an actual theme yet. I kind of have a concept I want to do for the dishes…but haven’t known how I could pull them off. I want to figure out how to mix vintage and modern (that’s pretty much the goal for my whole house) and square plates and round plates, etc. I think I want black and white…and then some sort of color (blue??) or pattern...or something. I really like some of these from Anthropologie...that I could mix in with plain black and white maybe? (Flaming Leaf and the Upsy Daisy set are my favorite) Should I go with these...that only have bowls and cups...then somehow coordinate my plates another way?? Oh the insanity! I JUST DON’T KNOW! (ANY opinions of how to do this is GREATLY appreciated) 

#4. Pictures. So the one thing I DO have specific pictures of…are these pictures off Etsy from Sascalia's store. I would pick 3 of these for my living room.

So there you go...I'd love any and all lines are now open...

Friday, June 4, 2010

happiness is lubbock, tx...where?

I made an interesting and perplexing discovery the last couple of weeks…and I don’t know what to do with it.

So I grew up in Lubbock, Texas...lived there for over 20 years. I know lots of people would give Lubbock a bad rap…but in reality, I truly loved it. (I think most people do, but just don’t want to admit it out loud) To me, it’s that perfect big-town-small-town-feel balance. For instance…it’s a college/university town, with 200,000+ population…but it wasn’t uncommon to have cotton fields right in the middle of the city between businesses. (ok, so that has changed over the yrs as the city has grown) Lubbock has great qualities…and I think it holds a very specific purpose in this world…but we won’t get into all that cause this really isn’t a post all about L-town.

The thing is…I moved to Colorado Springs in 2006 to do a Bible Program. My school ended a year ago…and I really didn’t see a big reason to move again…so I just stayed. I didn’t feel particularly connected to the Springs…but just on a practical side…it didn’t make sense to move either.

I’ve made many trips back to Lubbock…and I always love that feeling you get when you pull back into your hometown after you’ve been gone a long time. (I also did my YWAM stuff while living in Lubbock, and would be gone for months/year at a time so I've been in and out a lot) You know…it’s that feeling of nostalgiacomfortbelonging.

The last time I went back was at Christmas...and I still had that returning-feeling. Then, this month, for various reasons, we actually went to Lubbock for 2 weekends in a row. The first weekend, though…as we were pulling in…it hit me. That feeling wasn’t there. I didn’t feel connected like I always have in the past. The entire time I was there, I felt like a stranger who just happened to know my way around the city.

Honestly, I haven't had that feeling of connection about Colorado Springs, either…but I kinda thought maybe the transition had been made in my heart…but my head just hadn’t been aware until my trip back to Texas. The unfortunate part is…as we returned to CS and drove into the city…I didn’t have that “I’m home moment”…I had that exact same feeling I did when driving into Lubbock. A stranger…semi-connected and knowing my way around…but I didn’t feel like I was returning home.

I was kinda startled by these discoveries…and don’t really know what to do with it. I’m not in a “I want to move somewhere else mode”. I don’t think that’s part of God’s plan right now in the least. (hello! I’m still faithfully working on my list of people I want to move here to the Springs with me!) But it has made me feel very removed and unsure about everything. Well…ok...not EVERYTHING…but you know…just questioning...and asking “What the freaking heck, God”.

I also realized today that this month marks an entire year of I-have-no-idea-what-to-do-next-in-life-transition. How annoying is that? And here I thought the 4-5 month phase I went through in my early 20s was bad. I’ve had some rattlings around in my head about what I’d like to do…but the confirmation hasn’t been there in even the tiniest of concepts…so I’ve still just been living…and asking God what’s next…and waiting…and waiting…and waiting...

Sorry…I think this post is a little bit blah blah blah. This is why I usually don’t talk about the ponderings of my mind until I’ve fully processed them. But today…I just felt like sharing what’s in my head…soooooooo there it is. We'll try for more of a pick-me-up next week. :-p

* foreign and non-Lubbock lovin friends...the title is a reference to an old song...'Happiness is Lubbock, TX in My Rearview Mirror'.