Tuesday, August 10, 2010

surely stable and fully secure

Life seems to be spinning out of control for so many people, lately. Well, maybe that is too harsh of a phrase…but it does seem like so many around me are being hit with sudden changes that are outside their control. And, by human nature, the initial reaction is easily fear…insecurity…worry…anxiety…etc.

I totally used to react that way. Change would shut. me. down. Completely paralyze me. Especially back in my late teens/early 20s when life seemed the most out of control in general…AND I seemed to move homes constantly. I would get to my next house and unpack…placing everything exactly where it was in the house before. Course, it’s pretty much in my genetics to rearrange furniture CONSTANTLY (“turn the walls” as my family calls it)…my bedroom growing up looked different on a monthly basis. But during this particular time of life, that all stopped…my furniture, my d├ęcor on my walls, bookshelves, etc-would be placed exactly the same way with each new move. I never felt a sense of stability…and it came through in the fact that if my house looked the same...it offered at least a small amount of stableness to me. About the age of 22ish…God starting healing my heart in that area and I slowly starting letting go of that creepy concept…in itty bitty tiny baby steps.

Then in 2001, when I did my 3rd YWAM school…that all drastically changed. I heard a teaching that radically and forever changed my life. I’ve mentioned it in small ways before…and I won’t be able to fully explain in now…but in light of the world seemingly spinning chaotically around us…I felt the need to share the bare bone basic concept…and I hope that you take it in your heart…and grab hold of the promise that is yours.

It’s ALL about the New Birth. (cause really, everything is)  Here’s the basic low down: in Genesis 1…perfection abounded. Then...the Fall happened…and we lost the perfection. So Jesus came…and through the Cross…gave us the New Birth and Salvation. (and what does Salvation mean, people?? - Health, Victory, Defended, Prosperity, Safety, Deliverance, etc, etc…look it up! Those things BELONG to you!)

Jesus took us BACK to perfection…back to Genesis 1. The Curse no longer applies to us. Genesis 1 states that we are created in the image of God. And what does that mean? It means that HIS attributes are OUR attributes. (ok, not the God-stuff like omniscient, omnipotent, etc…but the non-God stuff) THAT MEANS…if God is slow to anger…I AM slow to anger. If God is quick to love…I AM quick to love...

God is stable…therefore….I AM STABLE. God is secure…therefore I AM SECURE. It doesn’t matter what happens around me. It doesn’t matter if it seems like I can’t control the circumstances around me…I AM STABLE. I AM secure. I AM steadfast….because I was created in the image of God…and those things belong to me.

The character of God is unchanging. It’s one of the extremely few things you can FULLY put your trust in. No matter what’s happening…you can always find an aspect of the character of God to cling too regarding that issue. One of my favorite teachers constantly says this “Circumstances are real…but they are NOT truth. Emotions are real…but they are NOT truth.” (again-grasping those tiny concepts ROCKED my world) GOD is Truth. His character IS Truth.

So whatever is happening around you…especially those things that make you feel like you’re out of control…according to the New Birth…stability belongs to you. Security is part of your DNA. Stand fast. Rest assured. Because your Absolute is in Him….the one who's image you were beautifully…fearfully…and wonderfully made to reflect.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

it's the journey...not the destination...

Sooooooooooo…a new journey has begun in my life. I have no idea what lies ahead…I have no idea when and how it’s going to happen…but the path has been opened and I have stepped out into the unknown.

Friday was my last day at work because I was laid off. Honestly, as I’ve said to those around me, it is a very bitter sweet moment. I managed a Sponsorship Department for a ministry that sponsored children’s education in a third world nation. I accomplished A LOT in the 2+ years I was there…and I am proud of what I was able to do. But the battle to figure out how to implement changes in areas I had no control over was becoming too much to bear. Plus, there was the fact that the job required constant attention to itty bitty details. The tiniest missed issue caused a chain reaction of mass casualties. Now...I’m a girl who’s gifted in seeing the big picture…and being able to figure out how to connect the dots and make the paths that need to happen. I can SEE and figure out the details…but I despise DOING the details. Unfortunately, my coworkers weren’t fans of the details either, but as the manager, it landed on my shoulders to constantly take care of. Plus...even the culture we were working with was FAR from a culture of details. (there's not even a consistency in the birthdays, names, or even basic spelling) It really took so much out of me...that I wasn’t even myself while I was there…instead I was mostly quiet and introverted because my mind was constantly spinning and I was spending all my energy fixing problems and trying to make things better. Even after hours I was consumed with trying to figure out better ways to do things…and fighting overwhelming discouragement when I’d realize the answers were completely out of my control and would never happen. The day I was called in and told they would have to lay me off…I had actually sat in my car for over 10 minutes that morning just trying to psyche myself up to go in. So when they told me that afternoon…immediately I felt relief…but then also anxiety. Not just for the financial issues…but because the only reason I hadn’t left...was because I didn’t know how to let go when I knew there would be no one there to pick up the detailed pieces I had held together for so long. I couldn’t stand the thought of all my hard work unraveling if there wasn't someone new that could take it all on. I had always felt very blessed to be connected with the literal, world-changing people that were over the ministry. They want to make a difference in their native country…and I believed in them and wanted to help them achieve their goals. So I continued to hold on even when I barely had it in me to do so.

The last 2 weeks were a whirlwind of craziness as I tried to wrap up everything enough to hand over to my co-workers. I don’t really struggle with false-guilt…but false-responsibility is a whole other issue. It was a battle to let go of the feelings that would rise up knowing the burden the others were going to have to pick up. At one point, the concept of filing cabinet labels sent me into a tailspin of uncontrollable tears. I was WELL aware of the ridiculousness of the specific concept…but it was the bigger picture it represented...and my heart broke because of it. The ministry will forever be in my heart and prayers. I truly hope they find a way to pick back up from the donations and sponsorships that have dwindled in this economy. 

Sooooooooo…now…along with several other areas of life…I’m in the fun place of transition. I’m truly and totally at peace. Praise God that change…transition…and the unknown...stopped being an issue for me years ago. I’m stable and secure in God, my Rock. I have NO idea what lies ahead. I am staying here in the Springs…that’s all I know. So ummmmm hey…..anyone out there with some connections…come on and hook a sista up!

On a random side note…blogs are going to be more annoying to post. Something weirdy happens when I type something into Word and try to copy/paste it onto the net. All this html code craziness occurs and I have to spend about 20 minutes deleting and fixing it. So I’d write my posts…and then wait till I got to work and post them from my computer there. It started whenever I switched to Mozilla. Just curious if anyone knew why the heck this happens??