Girl Seeks Truth

Sharing in the wholeness of His heart...

2012-02-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

Something occured to me several months ago. (you know, when I had accidentally moved back to Texas) I was seeing several people from my high school days and the same theme kept coming up over and over. Whenever my teenage/early 20's self is described...I'm usually summed up in one word- Joyful. I was repeatedly told by people that I was the most joyful person they had ever met. I always loved that description. Mostly, because back then I was a hot mess of dysfunction...and I was clinging to God with everything in me for mere survival. The joy of the Lord is my strength (Neh 8:10) and Be Joyful Always (I Thess 5:16) were the life ropes in which I clung to get through my days.

But as I was being reminded of this...something deep down started gnawing at me. Because it was just that...a reminder. In other words, a description of the past. I realized people were no longer using that word for their top characterization of me...and I didn't like this. I kept wondering where I had gone wrong...because I just thought I had only grown less...obnoxious (aka- the exuberant joy I loudly and boastfully portrayed). I still felt joyful, deep down...under a layer of seriousness that I was mistaking for just stability. I am a much, MUCH more stable, functional person than I once was...and I'm definitely much closer and more intimate with my Creator...so why on earth would it appear as though I've lost my joy?????

I contemplated this for several days and realized this: As I've grown closer to God...walking in that intimate embrace of sharing His heart...I realized that there is a deep seriousness that is attached to this close walk with God. As I've grown deeper in my relationship with Him, I've cried out on almost a daily basis to share what's on His heart for that moment...asking Him to break my heart for what breaks His. I have prayed those prayers countless times. And God has answered those prayers every time. And it's been an exquisite, heart wrenching, messy, beautiful dance. And when walking daily with Him, this becomes your habit and you become in tune with those things around you on a constant basis. You can walk into a place, and know what God is saying about the people and situations around you...you share what He is saying for individuals, groups, or whole nations. And you pray what He says to pray...and you believe what He says to believe...sharing in His tears as He weeps for the injustice...shouting as you hear the roar of His promises...joining with Him in the Throne Room where He is seated, forever interceding for His beloved.

But why is it, I wonder, do we tend to think that sharing the heart of God, is always serious and somber? I think we get consumed with the issues, the problems...because we want to join with God in seeing His solution come forth. Our generation's deep cry for justice keeps our eyes and our focus on the problems that abound on this planet. But my God is a joyful God. He laughs, He sings, He spins and dances over us. I think, we forget sometimes, that sharing His heart means not only asking Him to see the issues around us like He sees them...but we need to also ask what makes Him joyful in what He sees? What is making Him belly laugh when He looks down at our world? I've prayed many times that He would make me aware of the one around me that His heart is breaking for, one that He's got locked in a protective embrace, so that I can join in prayer with Him or give an encouraging word...but I've never asked Him to show me the one He's singing and dancing around at that moment...the one He's cracking up in exuberant joy over.

This has been my prayer the last several months. In the midst of some extremely hard times going on around me...I've asked God to show me the joy once again. I'll admit...I haven't really seen it fully yet...but just in seeking this balance of His heart...I believe, has kept me from drowning under the issues that flooded around me.

So, my prayer will continue to be "Show me your heart, God. Break my heart for what breaks yours." But I shall now add..."Fill my heart with what fills yours. Show me what makes your heart joyful."
I want the whole truth of His heart...I want the balance.

(I decided to create a Joy Board on Pinterest...just for funsies and such)

1000 Gifts- The 'When My World Exploded' Edition..

2012-01-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

Look at me like I'm a regular blog poster! What is this....like 5 in the last week? SO proud! Hopefully I can keep this up and start writing down the 4 billion thoughts in my head...

So this may be longer than usual...but I had several months to catch up on. And even though I felt like I was going through some of the worst of times, I still kept my eyes open to the gifts that abounded around me....and there were many....

299- car trip with the girls in the family

300- hugging my Nannie...bringing reassurance that she'd be ok

301- being in Kansas, the state of my birth...where my soul always feels unexplainably content

302- unexpected lunch with extended family

303- card games with cousins

304- court cases in our favor

305- house empty to myself

306- borrowed car during my extended Texas stay

307- reconnecting with so many old friends

308- high school pep rally at my alma mater...watching high school cheerleading friend's daughter cheer

309- suspicions confirmed and doubt erased

310- the incomparable sunsets only seen in West Texas

311- walking out, after a particulary stressful day, and being overtaken with not only a breathtaking sunset...but also my moon (the phase of the tiniest sliver, before it's even a cresent) dipping down into the vibrant colors. A quiet reminder that my God loves me, sees me...and was in complete control.

312- being reminded of the geese I had forgotten, encompassing the lakes around town, their pit stops on their way to warmer haven further south

313- prayer support from friends

314- encourging texts and emails from friends, and the understanding I wasn't at the place to respond back

315- Bethel worship videos on youtube via my phone (since ipods and computer weren't packed for my "quick weekend trip")...my source of sanity that helped me connect with God every morning...fixing my focus on Him, securing my feet on Truth and giving me the strength to stop the tears and get out of bed and face what the day would bring.

316- prayer times with my Mom

317- financial provision

318- exchange students you want to forever keep as part of the family

319- late night talks and prayers in parking lots with friends (because the closing restaurant kicked us out)

320- daily consumption of tex-mex! (I avoid Mexican food in CO at all costs)

321- seeing my hometown exceed the number of expectant people (by almost double, I think) wanting to attend an event to honor Israel. (even though I was among those not allowed in)

322- quick hug from ex-student working the event...and her teary gratefulness for showing her the beauty of the heart of God for His chosen people

323- Home Sweet Home....even if it is still a little crowded

324- rest and sleeping and moments of recovery

325- unwrapping my favorite menorahs...and transforming the house in Hanukkah decor

326- holiday cards with pictures and sweet notes

327- Hanukkah celebration with friends, new and old

328- trip back to TX to celebrate Christmas with the family

329- being able to stay at my Mom's house once again

330- pajamas, hot chocolate, crowded in backseat 80's style (someone laying across laps), and driving around looking at the lights

331- teary Christmas morning...overwhelmed with the faithful provision of a loving God

332- watching faces opening presents

333- home again, with more peace this time that the circumstances of TX are going to be ok

334- 7 out of town visitors for New Years Eve

335- overlooking the city lights high on a mountain top

336- Helen Hunt Falls fully frozen over

337- late night games of dominoes-with the same girls that once held this tradition many many years ago

338- 'Stashes & Lashes New Year's Eve party with friends

339- holiday decor down, fresh start with rearranged everyday decor

340- shopping with my favorite young boy...as he carefully and thoughtfully picked out his Mom's birthday present

341- Downton Abbey marathon, curled up in pj's and blankets, the house quiet once again with the kid's return to school

Every good and perfect gift is from you, Father of Lights

A year of no more Somedays....

2012-01-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

OK, so I know most people have already done all their New Year's resolution's post and have moved on. After all, we're entering into the second week of January. And I'm sure you want to tell me I'm late to the party and the world has moved on by now...But, HELLO???? Are you not paying attention to the INSANITY of which has been my life these last couple of months? This last week things seem to finally be back at a semi-normal pace and level of normal stress...and I am savoring these moments. So yes, I'm a weekish late for declarations of the new year's goals....but I'm quite ok with it.

So I've said in the past that I LOVE New Year's resolutions. I love new beginnings, new goals, new outlooks, and the new energy that comes with it to push forward. As I was rolling around things in my head about this new year...I kept thinking my list was so weirdly random. And then this weekend it hit me. It's not as random as I thought it was.

This year...my goal is work on my 'Someday List'. That list that's grown and grown over the course of my life in a constant state of procrastination. I'm checking those babies off this year. I only have a few things I can think of this moment....but my goal is to be more aware of when this thought crosses my mind, "oohh, someday I'm gonna ___"... or "I plan on doing ___" and immediately write it down and make true plans and deadlines to get them accomplished. So far the list may seem fairly frivolous...but I think I'm needing some moments of frivolousnessesness....

So the things that have come to mind already are these:

1- I've wanted to declare myself a die hard Jane Austen fan since forever. However, I don't think you can do such things until you've actually read all her major books. Because, for goodness sakes, there's only 6. I've read P&P a couple years ago...and I suddenly realized I have let these several years slip by without finishing another one of her books. So, cast your votes! I need your advice...which one should I do next? And my goal is to read it before the end of March. (also, I've tried to read Emma several times because I *thought* it would be my favorite, but I can't seem to stay with it...so I'm thinking I should do a different one and come back to her...)

2- Audrey Hepburn movies. (this list is SO deep and spiritual, isn't it?) I ADORE Audrey. To an extreme. And I can watch Breakfast at Tiffany's and Roman Holiday (my 2 favs) over and over and over and over again. And I constantly say- I want to find ALL her movies and watch them. Soooo...my goal is to find at least 3 this year that I haven't seen...and add them to my collection.

3- More reading goals... I STILL have books on my shelf that I've bought and not read. My goal is to crack open at least 5 of them this year. (and yes, fully read them)

4- Bible study- there's been 2 study goals I've wanted to do for the last several years...and I'm determined to sit down and do them this year...instead of just talking about wanting to do them...

5- The pile and list of unfinished projects- between pinterest, decor blogs, the AMAZINGness of Colorado Spring's thrift stores...I can't even begin to list the amount of things I've wanted to do/redo the last couple of years. It's time to make those happen and make my house as fantastico as it is in my head.

My dichotomous personality is sometimes perfectly fabulous...and sometimes paralyzingly ridiculous. I can go with the flow and be content where I am pretty dang easy...which can unfortunately sometimes turn into large amount of wasted time happening. But at work I'm goal, task and project driven. So I'm gonna try to get my work-self mixed in a little more with my life-self.......and see what kind of spectacularness can abound in 2012.

So that's some of my crazy resolutions this year. Do you have any?? (deeply spiritual OR surfacely frivolous)

Oops....I almost forgot... (about said words)

2012-01-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ack! I forgot one important thing! I think we gots to DO something with our words. So every month I'm gonna come up with a little somethin-somethin about our words to do...and I hope you follow along with me on this journey!

So- for this month- it's actually a 2 parter....but they're super simple....ready?

1- Look up your words in a dictionary...and WRITE down the dictionary definition.

2- Get the word out and in front of you! Feel free to get all pinterestly creative...or just write them with a dry erase marker on your bathroom mirror...but get those words in your home and/or office where they're all up in your grill!

Ok....ya'll in???? Get crackin!

I have my words....do you?

2012-01-05T09:44:00.001-07:00

So has everyone been thinking and praying about your word and characteristic??? I had been praying off and on the last couple of weeks....but it wasn't until Selah Tuesday that I actually stopped, stilled myself and listened. And of course, He faithfully spoke and confirmed.

So my word for 2012: Release! I love it!! Honestly, I kinda thought my word would be Dwell, because I adore that word so much. (I couldn't decide for MONTHS whether to name our Tuesday group Dwell or Selah) But then God was like, "Nope! It's this..." So, I think 'dwell' is just gonna continue living on in my spirit...while God declared my word to focus on for the year to be Release. I am really excited about this word! And I know it's definitely muti-sided. I believe God's speaking it for my own life in different areas....but also for others, through me. I've known for many years that part of my spiritual dna God has given me is to release others- into their destinies, into their giftings, etc. And I really believe God wants to increase this...and show me a whole new level of this aspect. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds in the Year of Release!

And my characteristic of God: Provider! For the last two years, God has given me the word Portion...and I'm kinda excited to be moving on to something new. Course now I'm thinking God's really into alliterations. Oy...but I have so much rolling around in my head about this one....fears...small revelations...reminders. I have a feeling I'm gonna have several posts about this one....

So there you have it! A couple of you already commented with your words on the last post and I L.O.V.E. them. And my Selah girls had this list:
Thankfulness and Love
Courage and Graciousness
Peace and Shepherd
Action and Faithfulness
Righteousness and Father/Faithfulness

So please please please comment and share yours! I believe with everything in me, that God is going to show us great revelations and bring us into definite new growth regarding these things.

And I'd love to hear about your last year's words too. What did God show you about them...in a big or small way....

(I don't know what came over me while writing this. I may or may not have gotten carried away with the exclamation marks. But...I guess with passion, comes exclamation....)

What's Your Word???

2012-01-01T12:45:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year my beautiful blog-world people!

It's time once again for my most favorite concept E-VER! For the last 2 years, my friends and I not only pray and find our One Word for 2012....but we take it a step further. We pray and ask God what is the one characteristic of Him that He wants us to concentrate on for this coming year. I love love love this concept and have seen testimony after testimony in my friend's lives, and of COURSE my own, when we started doing this.

So take the next couple of days to pray about your word and your characteristic of God for 2012. And then we'll come back and share them in a couple of days...shall we?

You can find a list of characteristics here.
And my original post here, in case you're new and want the full story.

Happy listening!

Standing Secure.

2011-12-07T12:46:00.003-07:00

I swear all I do is apologize for the long gap in writing. And then promise to do better. *sigh*

But really, this time...I have a good excuse. Life got crazy.
Insane. Overwhelmingly....unfunctionally crazy.

I don't want to go into too many details...but in October, I packed for a quick weekend trip and headed to Texas. Before getting there, life exploded....and 40 days later....I finally returned to Colorado. I dealt with massive heart attacks and almost losing my Grandma, emergency trip to Kansas, court cases, parents hospitalized for pneumonia, house restorations, secret alcoholism recurrence exposed, suicide attempt, military deployment, and so much much more that I can't even list....my emotions were put on a roller coaster and ran through a ringer.

So, for once...I don't feel completely guilty for my silence here. And hopefully soon I will finish the multiple blogs I already have started and get them posted soon.

But for now, I'm resting...and avoiding as much people-interaction as possible, in reality and cyberly.
I'm ok, for the most part....but the best word I can use to describe what I'm feeling right now, is raw. Very, very raw.

But this I know....

That my feelings...and my circumstances....are extremely real.
But they are not Truth.

My God is Truth.
His unchanging character is Truth.

And that is the promise on what which I stand secure.

(This is the song that got me through, kept my focus on what was True, and kept me from drowning.)

Happy New Year!

2011-10-01T15:00:00.001-06:00

*I just realized this somehow never got posted. So even though Rosh Hashana was a couple of days ago, I thought I'd post it anyways...

Since last Saturday, I've been meditating on the name/characteristic of the King of Kings. God's highlighted it in one way or another almost every day. Silly me, didn't put the connection together till this morning that it's Rosh Hashana....when the characteristic of King is emphasized.

He is the King of all Kings....even the most powerful, most richest, most blessed king on this earth doesn't even remotely compare to my King, who is ruler over all. And that King....knows me. He sees me. He loves me. He wants what's best for me. He longs for me to know Him as much as He knows me. He longs for that intimate relationship with me, that blocks out the world and only revolves around us.Yet, He rules the nations. The universe is at His control. And everyone will someday bow before His throne...and the whole world will acknowledge His kingship.

I love this holiday....when I'm reminded that who God is, is far beyond my comprehension...but I'm safe and secure in that knowledge. He has the ultimate control. He has the the supreme dominion.

My Father, my King.....may this new year be embraced as a year of new outlooks, renewed purposes, and renewed hope to reach the goals that lays before us.

My Father, my King.....may this year be a year we walk in your ways, deeper and more steady than we did the year before.

My Father, my King.....may our eyes be opened to the increase of gifts and blessings around us.
My Father, my King.....may you continue to cleanse our hearts and make us more like You.

Don't forget...Rosh Hashana is a time of reflection and repentance. Draw close to His heart...hear His words of correction...and allow Him to change you...making you more and more like Him.

I'll leave you, once again, with my favorite song/prayer that is sung on this holiday.... Avinu Malkeinu. When the congregation sings this song, I tear up every time. This version is slower than the version the congregation sings...but it's Barbra...sooooooo ya.

And don't forget to eat your apples and honey!

Gift List- The semi-sorta- patriotic addition

2011-09-12T15:14:00.000-06:00

So I’m not actually the most patriotic person in the world.I was when I was a child…the Citizenship Badge was the first badge I wanted toearn while I was in Missionettes. (basically the Christian version of GirlScouts, of which I was also a part) But somewhere along the way, I lost that patrioticlove. Well, ok, it was lost in the midst of deep historical political research...butthat’s another story…

ANYWAYS…the point is…irregardless of my non-existentpatriotism…9/11 will obviously bring out even the most mundane levels ofnationalism. (I even teared up as I listened to Alan Jackson’s song ‘Where wereyou’ all the way through for the first time yesterday, instead of rolling my eyes to the cheese-factor andflipping the station) At the very least, during this September anniversary, us non-patriots at least stepback and allow those around us to proudly and boldly proclaim their red, white,and blue spirits, with our sarcastic or jaded lips firmly sealed.

I had the privilege of being with a group of exchangestudents on September 11^th. They were finishing up a weekend longorientation and had put together presentations about their countries for the 50+ set of host families and friends that were present.

My heart was touched, and I counted my gifts as I sat inthat room watching the students and families around me.

291- Being so blessed to continually be surrounded byinternational people for the last 14+ years. I feel truly saddened for the Americanswho are only surrounded by other Americans and miss out on the vast beauty ofthe people in this world.

292- Stereotypes flattened. Because I am around international peopleso much, I feel like I don't hold many cultural stereotypes. But one wasdefinitely shattered in a shocking but hilarious way while an introduction game was played. A fullycovered Muslim girl introduced her name, and then boldly announced she liked to fart. Ya, I didn't see that one coming.

292- Watching the students tell us about their countrieswith pride and excitement…and the sincere invitations extended to come visit themand see the uniqueness of their lands for ourselves.

293- I was touched as I looked around the room at all thesefamilies who had chosen to take a student in for a year…despite the difficulties and fear of the unknown, despite vastly different religions or belief systems…and fully welcome and embrace them as one of their own family members.

294- The respect given, as students sang their own nationalanthems…audience standing, hats removed, whispering stopped. This especially touched my heart, that even on this 10^th anniversaryof 9/11, a time when American patriotism is at its highest...respect and honorwas easily and readily extended to the other countries represented that day.

295- Standing in that room…full of Christians, Catholics, Muslims, Atheists, Hindu’s...Americans, Russians, Ukrainians, Kazakhstanis, Thai, Moldovans, and many more…with statements being made that were highly contrary to other's beliefs...some things that could have easily been grounds for offense...but instead, choices were made to respect each other, get to know each other, allow stereotypes to be shattered and walls torn down.

296- The last to present, a boy from the Republic of Georgia whoproudly shared about his country, and then he asked if he could share something else with us. He grabbed another board he had been hiding and showed us what he made. A very simple, rough drawing that spoke volumes- the Twin Towers and the letters 9-11 at the top. A hushness gripped the room for several seconds as eyes filled with tears...the silence was broken as people in the audience began saying 'thank you' to the Georgian boy for acknowledging the day. He turned the board around and revealed simple words he had scribbled out: "Make peace, not war". He said the words out loud, and said that was his wish for all of us. At that moment, I was aware that everyone in the room truly stood on the same page, silent prayers and wishes being made that this would become a truth in all of our nations.

297- Starting the day at church and in worship. Listening and agreeing with the prayers prayed from passionate hearts for our government, our military, and our future as a nation. And then ending the day with these same fantastic people...thankful that they came to help rearrange furniture and boxes into and out of storage places...and then dinner together, laughing and sharing stories...and I looked around and made a mental note of how truly blessed I am.

298- Despite my overall feelings about my own country...knowing I am blessed to be born and raised here during this time in history. I am truly thankful for the men and women who have fought and given their lives for this nation and these freedoms in which we know. I don't want to take the freedoms I have been freely given for granted...ever.

Revisiting a Season...

2011-08-31T19:35:00.003-06:00

I’ve had many a ‘duh moments’ with God in my life. Those moments of revelations when I FINALLY get what He’s been trying to tell me for weeks, if not months…and I then feel utterly ridiculous for not putting such simple or such blatant concepts together sooner.

A couple of weeks ago I had one of those moments. The connection finally clicked, a revelation illuminated in my heart…after feeling like I’ve spent a year in the darkness, wandering aimlessly in the wilderness, on the edge of the unknown.

I didn’t have to spend this year in the dark, feeling restless, frustrated, and confused. But I realized I had let a lie slip in, quietly unnoticed, until it took hold and set up anchor and even though I would have never been able to put words to it, I believed it with everything in me.

A year ago, when I was laid off, God started calling me into a specific season in life. But I didn't fully believe Him. I thought it couldn’t possibly be true, so I ignored it…refused to embrace it, and kept searching for the “right” answer.

I know this sounds silly, and I’m trying to be general here, so I hope I make sense.

But the season I was being invited into, was a season I’ve been in before. And herein lies the lie. Subconsciously, I didn’t believe I could be in that season again. It was a great season. A precious season. And being in that season was probably the most favorite time of my life. And somehow, someway…I convinced myself I couldn’t ever relive that kind of continued blissfulness with God. I could easily show other people the path to that season. I could be back in it for perhaps a moment. I could cheer for the ones who were “lucky” enough to hear God calling them into that kind of season for a lifetime. I could forever live on the memories of that season in my own life…and on the depths of my relationship with God that were created during that season………but, I believed that was it for me...the season had come and gone. And I didn't need to waste timing pretending I could go back.

I don’t know why I believed this. I don’t know when this untruth crept in and took hold. But it did. So when I thought I heard God saying that kind of season was upon us again, I didn’t believe it. When prophetic words came from those around me, I thought they were just being sweet, and didn’t really get it. I'd been there before, I already did that. They didn't understand that God wouldn't let me live it again.

And I don’t know why suddenly, the veil was ripped and the revelation was suddenly mine. But it happened. I mentioned it in my latest 1000 gift post the moment it happened. A simple haircut being given by a girl who loves God and seeks after His heart. Her tender words telling me she had been praying for me before I came over…and that she wanted to share what she heard God say. And as she started sharing, I immediately started to push her words away, she was someone who lived her entire life in this kind of season, of course that’s the view she had for everyone. But then the tangible presence of the Lord rolled through that kitchen and around my heart. God apprehended my heart and quieted my spirit. And suddenly, I got it. He was re-inviting me into that season. And I could step into it. I was worthy of another round. Why would I possibly think it was ever a one-time offer? It wouldn’t be exactly the same, of course it would be different, with new depths dug out, new treasures discovered. But the concept of the season was the same. And of course someone (including myself) could be in that season a second time……………………………and a third time…………and a forth……and a fifth……

And suddenly there was peace. A peace that flooded my being and settled gracefully around me. A deep, deep peace fully enveloping me...something I haven’t felt in almost two years. And as the rest of the evening went along and even as I laid my head on the pillow that night, I was still overwhelmed by the waves of His tangible presence He continually washed over me...bringing peace, bringing healing, bringing a much needed refreshment to my dry and weary soul.

I felt ridiculous for believing such a lie. For letting it keep me out of that place I had been invited to, for over a year now. Momentary fear crept up as I wondered if I had just wasted a year. But the quick reassurance of God kept me from that lie also.

Job or no job, that isn’t what this is about. It’s much more. There are still many parts of this time in my life that God is being purposefully quiet about. But still, I’m at peace with that also. What matters is that I’m content, with Him, with where I’m at, with who I was created to be. I'm secure in my current stance. And I'm diving headfirst into this season....

Comfort Zones

2011-08-29T10:34:00.007-06:00

Things can change quickly around here. And by here, I mean, my life. God is MESSING with my comfort zone. My physical comfort zone. And I’m trying to take deep relaxing breaths and just go with the flow of it.

I love my home...2 bedroom, 2 bath, fantastically big kitchen of never ending counters (unheard of for apt)…a spacious 1050 sq feet of loveliness. I’ve loved the peacefulness and coziness of it. And I thought my days of roommatehood were long over…until Prince Charming finally decided to show up and sweep me off my feet. But a year and a half ago my bff and her son moved to the Springs, and were going to stay with me for just a few months…..but one thing led to another…and they are still here. (SUCH a blessing since my unemployment)

But peace and coziness still abounded…and in the moments that it wasn’t abundant…I could escape into the refuge of my bedroom, curled up in the down blanket and fluffy pillows and blissfully block out the world.

Then 3 weeks ago, a dear dear friend and her daughter were passing through Denver so we ran up to see her for a quick visit. One thing led to another, and it became evident that she needed out of her current situation, and quickly. So last week, in a whirlwind of activities- stuff packed up and moved to the garage to make more room...pinterest projects moved to the back burner.... priorities suddenly drastically shifted...we then headed over a few states, loaded them up, and brought them back here.

So now there’s 5 of us…in my somewhat peaceful, suddenly not so spacious 1050 sq feet apt. I’m sharing my bedroom with them…and have given up my bed in lieu of the couch. It’s not ideal…it’s not the long term solution, obviously. But it is what needed to happen in our lives and what God told us to do.

People think we’re crazy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the question “How are ya’ll gonna do that?” the past couple weeks. To which my reply has always been simple, “I don't know. But you just do what you gotta do.” And I’m glad this is the kind of person I’ve chosen to be.

My bff works with exchange students, and one of her top priorities is finding homes. I’ve wanted to grab the phone from her and yell at who's ever on the other end as I’ve heard people’s rejecting answers and long list of excuses as to why they can’t host…especially when it all comes down to the fact that they just don’t want their comfort zone messed with. It seems the more space people have, and the better off they are financially, the less likely they are to want to host. The ones who say yes are the single moms who struggle with day to day routines, it’s the ones with small houses where siblings double up to make space, it’s the families with way too much on their plate already, it’s the dad’s who are going through chemo, but still get the bigger picture of what needs to happen in their world…….these are the people that open up their homes and their lives. During her placement season every year I’m overwhelmed at the people who say yes and the ones who say no. I’ve been humbled and challenged by the ones who have opened up their home despite circumstance that would understandably excuse them from even thinking about it. And...especially this year, I’ve been annoyed and almost offended (yes, I had to repeatedly check my attitude) at those who could have easily said yes, but just chose not to because of flimsy excuses that boil down to not wanting their beloved comfort zones compromised.

God has called us to reach out and help the world. He’s called us to ignore our own comfort zones and live according to His will alone. He’s called us to connect with people and be the hands and feet of Jesus. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to sacrifice till it hurts because you know it will make a difference in someone else’s life? Are you willing to let go of your personal comfort and truly be open to hearing God tell you what to say YES too, even if you can't possibly see how it's going to work in the natural? Can you become so content with God, be connected on such a deep and intimate level, that HE is your only comfort zone worth having?

And of course this has to come with the leading of His Spirit. Jumping out and doing the things you're NOT called to do, just for the sake of doing it, only leads to misery. But I'm talking about just being willing, open to say YES to God, even when it doesn't fit with how you'd like life to look.

5 people in my little home. Five. But these are my people, they are my tribe. This was an easy yes, despite losing boundaries of my own physical comfort zone. And besides, 5 is the number that represents GRACE…….so surely that is the theme that shall abound in this season. (That is the promise I am clinging too...and which is already highly evident in my life, and in our home.)

And I'm not going to lie.......even though it jumped around in the order of my list.....my plan to get everyone I know and love to move to Colorado is moving along quite nicely...........

My cup runneth over...

2011-08-17T22:09:00.007-06:00

My mind is full and my heart is overflowing. It's been a busy yet very precious 24 hours and I have much to contemplate. But I've been wanting to post my Gift List all week, so I added a few this evening and decided to share...

271- Reading Gone with the Wind…and crossing it off my Someday… List.
272- Getting lost in the fullness of the story of Scarlett…and letting go, at least for a moment, of her procrastinating mentality I adopted as a child. After all, tomorrow is another day…
273- My dvr. I really don’t know how I’d keep my sanity without it.
274- Reruns of M*A*S*H. I know! But I became addicted to it as a teen. (I was watching for the episode with Patrick Swayze…and then I started watching to see if I could see Radar’s deformed hand…and before I knew it, I was hooked!) And really…even though I’ve seen the episodes dozens of times, I STILL laugh out loud. I don’t have them on dvd’s so when there’s a rerun on tv, it really makes me happy.
275- Semi-spontaneous dinner stops on a road trip to connect with road-tripping friends Paige & Linda, who were headed in the opposite direction.
276- Connecting with people in Texas on my last visit that I haven’t been able to connect with in a long time…some since I moved to CO five years ago!
277- Despite record heat all summer, it ever so slightly cooled off while there…making it somewhat bearable for my heat-hating self!
278- Mini-me niece Bekah coming back with us and spending over a month here in CO.
279- Cuddling with her at night. (even though the cuddling eventually turned into her hogging the bed and trying to push me out as the night progressed)
280- Passer-throughers! Colorado seems to be quite the happening place for people driving to or through. I’ve been able to connect with so many people! The latest was my family from Kansas…and then a close friend that I hardly see, who was in Denver for a night.
281- Making new connections here in CO, from very unexpected ways.
282- The opportunity to be used by God, to reach out and make relationships with others, in a city that can be very secluding and isolating.
283- The precious sweet prayers of my Selah Tuesday girls…bringing much needed refreshment and encouragement to my dry and weary soul.
284- Email exchanges with a friend sharing freak outs, questions, prayer requests, confidences, encouragement and support.
285- Getting to support a missionary WHILE getting my hair cut. You can’t beat that.
286- Her treasured words, that finished what God had started in my heart the night before at Selah.
287- Hearing how she had been praying for me before I got to her house. (overwhelmed me, because we don’t know each other that well)
288- Listening to the voice of God coming through her words, bringing reiteration of the exact words He spoke through my friend Paige last week, then the massive new revelation that flooded my heart, and the sweet presence of the Lord that was felt in tangible waves as she cut my hair...and the continued waves I've felt the rest of the evening.
289- Closure to the heart and mind tug of war, wondering if I had been forgotten by God.

290- For the first time in months…being truly, totally, completely content with exactly where I’m at in life.........in the Waiting Room.

Me, Scarlett, and a little bit of crazy

2011-08-03T13:49:00.003-06:00

The epic adventures of Vulnerable Jenn, the Nut Job…

I did it. I read Gone With The Wind. All itty bitty tiny font, small margined, 719 pages of it. Now for those of you who have read it, and even have read it several times, that may not seem like a big deal to you…but it was a HUGE deal to me…because it’s been on my list of Wanna Be Accomplishments for quite some time…so I am embracing this triumph with arms wide open.

I have loved the movie GWTW for as long as I can remember...and was quoting it before I even knew about its existence. (My family basically converses in movie/tv quotes…mostly Saturday Night Live or Steve Martin movies, but Gone with the Wind is also right on up there, cause we like to keep it classy) Somewhere in my childhood, while watching a documentary on the making of GWTW, I realized it actually started as a book...and I decided that I definitely wanted to read it someday.

And there it is. The trap was set.

Unfortunately, a trait that drives me utterly crazy about myself, and I’m desperately trying to wipe away from my life altogether…is that I live with a list…a LONG list…of ‘Someday Goals’. I have 7934208019203 projects/goals/etc in my head at all times…and I don’t know what happened to myself as a kid, but I became a perpetual procrastinator with such things. The list continually grows, because I add more and more to it without ever crossing anything off. Everything I wanted to do became “when I’m older…” “someday, when this, this and this is done, I’ll do this…” “When I have time, I’m going to read this, repaint that, or write about…” Plus, I suck at prioritizing myself. I can prioritize the heck out of someone else’s issues. I can see the big picture of things and see the plans/steps in how to get there in an instant, and can start systematically and efficiently knocking the steps out …with everything except my own life. Even when I step into the workplace, I can see if for myself, or my job position. But when I step back into my own personal world…ppssht, out goes my own visual direction.

GWTW was on that list of perpetual goals...held for 25+ years. (Slightly ironic that I continually procrastinated reading a story about a woman continually procrastinating and choosing to think about things tomorrow.) But sometime last year, the concept crept back up into the forefront of my mind and I began searching for an old copy of the book. Part of me just wanted to own it, cause that would be cool…but of course would then hopefully lead to one step closer...to one day...hopefully... maybe...actually reading it. Then, a while back, while out shopping with my Aunt at an antique store, she came up to me holding a copy of the book. It was the exact copy as the one she’s had forever, and was just wanting to show it to me. Of course I exclaimed excitedly and bought it immediately…and then brought it home and…...…displayed it perfectly in my house.

A couple months went by, and I walked past it, and suddenly just reached out and grabbed it. Something came over me and I was determined to read it right then and there and mark it off my Someday Goals. Which then...led to my other great issue of reading. I love to read. But I tend to stay away from fiction…because I get obsessed. Ob-SESSED. Life ceases to exist around me. I don’t answer my phone, I barely sleep, I seldom stop to eat...I lock out the world around me and become consumed with the story. IF I absolutely must go somewhere, I carry the book with me, and you’d see me reading it at traffic lights. I’m a little. bit. crazy. And I don’t really like this fact, but it hasn't been that easy to overcome...and I tend to avoid fiction. So the sheer size of the book, stressed me out simply for the fact that I knew I couldn’t function that way with it. Now I’ve knocked out 300+ page books in less than 48hrs…but life was too crazy to lock myself up for 4-5 days to read this one. If I was really going to read it, I just had to overcome this crazy Jenn fact.

So I picked it up that day and just held it. And set in my heart that I was going to read it, not someday, but now. And I set in my heart that I was not going to get obsessed, and I would just casually pick it up when I could and not lock out the world around me...no matter how long it took to get through it.

And I did it. It took me almost 2 months…and obsession did set in occasionally…but for the most part I maintained functional life. I was worried my crazy would become evident, because I get so wrapped up in the story that even while real life is happening, I’d be thinking about what was going on in the book like THAT story was real life. Am I the only one that does this? That the lines get ever so slightly blurred and for half a second you want to start talking about ‘your friend, Rhett who thinks this war is ridiculous’. Or when I was reading one afternoon while it was storming outside, I heard the thunder and thought it was Yankee cannons. Or, I’m so not even kidding you and can’t believing I’d admitting this...but one Sunday in Worship, I was praying for people in our church, and for a second, I had the thought “God, I just wished Scarlett could get a hold of who you truly are.” Oy. Vey.

Ok, so the crazy crept in a little more than I wished.

And I LOVED this book! Loved loved loved loved loved! Way more than the movie…and I LOOooOOooOoove the movie. And I may have stopped and watched scenes of the movie after I finished a section. And I want to read it again…and again and again. GWTW definitely pushed it's way up to one of my all time favoritest books EVER list.

So all that to say…I did it. And I am proud of myself. Because THIS was a great accomplishment, even though the world around me will see it as just reading a simple book. But for my heart, it was so much more. It was a tangible goal finished. It was a step taken...an encouragement... knowing that tomorrow I can wake up and grab hold of the next goal, big or small, old or new, and make it happen...and start seeing more and more things crossed off...instead of just perpetually added. “After all, tomorrow is, another day.”

I left my heart in Flekkeroy...

2011-07-28T20:25:00.002-06:00

I gallivanted around Norway from April-August in 2001. It was truly one of the greatest times in my life. I went to attend a YWAM school, confused as to why God wanted me to do a school in Norway. This was not on my list of Countries I'm Passionate About. If I made a list of my top 20 countries I wanted to someday visit, Norway wasn't on that list. The only time I’d ever randomly think of Norway was when I’d think about the Vikings, which, you know, was really not that much. It didn't make much sense as to why God was sending me there. People would repeatedly ask me, “Why Norway?” and I would just answer, “I have no idea. I just know it’s what God wants.”

But I was there for less than a week, just enough time for the shock of my journey to wear off (that’s a story for another day)...when I suddenly became aware that I had been given a precious glimpse into this treasure chest of the North. Besides the integral relationships I made during the school, I felt like God took me there, just to show me one of His favorite places. I swear, Norway is where God chooses to just...hang out. It is the most breathtaking, most stunning, most gorgeous land you have ever encountered. And the Norwegians are some of the most fantastically fabulous people you will ever meet.

For the most part, Norwegians are extremely peaceful. As a whole, (with exceptions of soccer matches or if you're my friend Katrine) they aren’t a loud or boisterous people. (a fact I was told REPEATEDLY before flying there…out of fear my sometimes exaggerated personality would send them fleeing in every direction.) They may be somewhat shy and reserved, but they are definitely friendly and have genuine hearts to want people to feel welcome. They are THE best host/hostesses I have ever encountered. 10 years later, I’m still wishing I could make my home as koselig (best translation, cozy, but it's so much more, AND was the first word they made me learn in Norsk...thus it's importance) or set a table with as much thought as they have regarding presentation. Even just hanging out sipping coffee or tea at night, was usually made complete with music in the background, candles lit, and an impromptu centerpiece put together for the occasion. And, they are a people who dearly love their country. It was an honor and privilege to spend May 17th (Constitution Day) with them. The day truly celebrated their nation and their heritage. I was ashamed when they’d ask me if our July 4th was celebrated in a similar way, and my response was “No, we tend to acknowledge beer and barbeques more than we acknowledge the literal specific celebration of our Independence on that day.”

Before 2001, Norway and her people were barely on my radar…but they quickly found their way into my heart. Deep in my heart, in the depths reserved for the sacred treasures I hold dearest…and shall never be moved or replaced.

And so my heart has been ripped and broken last week because of the tragedies that occurred there. It was absolutely unthinkable. I gasped when I read the first headline. I felt that dreadful fear rise and catch in my throat, wondering if someone I knew from Oslo had been hurt or killed. I was so thankful for facebook, as I quickly went down the list of my Norwegian friends, finding most of them had already posted that they were safe and sound. But even after learning they were safe, my heart still wept, knowing the dreadful violation they were all now dealing with.

The thought of Norway being the target of a terrorist attack seemed preposterous…but the thought that one of their own could do such a thing, completely unfathomable.

But in true Norwegian dignity, they are rising out of the ashes, and we should take a lesson from them. Their reaction called for love and unity, not violence or vengeance. My friend quoted this on one of her updates from an article she read: "Even in their deepest sorrow the Norwegians don't get hysterical. They resist the hate. It is amazing to see how politicians and the whole country reacts. They are sad to the deepest thread of their souls. They cry in dignity. But nobody swears to take revenge. Instead they want even more humanity and democracy. That is one of the most remarkable strengths of that little country"

My friend Katrine, who lives in Oslo and has been out and about all week among the people, has had several posts throughout the week that I’ve loved, “I’m very proud of our leaders and amazed that the madman got the opposite of what he intended - love, generosity and closeness in the nation instead of fear and pure hatred.”

She also quoted one of the victims at the camp, “If one man can bring so much hate, imagine how much love we can give together.”

Beautiful, touching, inspiring words.

Even their media has been part of this unified stance, not blowing things out of proportion or saying inappropriate things. The negativity that’s coming forth is coming from outside their country. And voices from our own America media have been the most horrific. (Glenn Beck, really? You should have your fingernails ripped off for your comments comparing their camp to Hitler’s youth camp. Utterly. disgusting.)

Even though today’s Norwegians seem to be described as a calm and placid people…they are not too far removed from the ancestors of their past. Make no mistake, they are warriors through and through. They will not be kept down. They will survive. They will stand together and fight. They will rise up, in dignity and honor, and become a stronger and more unified nation in spite of the recent trauma.

So please take a moment to pray for the beloved Norway. Pray that peace and hope will be restored. Pray that justice is served. Pray that the nonsense of the media is silenced. Pray that they will know when to stand in quiet strength, and when to shout from the depths of their warrior’s heart. And pray that God’s promise will come forth- that He will turn bad to good…that He will give beauty for their ashes...and that His glory will shine upon the nation of

Norway

Break our hearts...

2011-07-08T17:20:00.001-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, in some sort of internet bunny trail...I came across a comment posted on a YouTube video that really broke my heart. The video was a guy sharing his story about how his church hosted an anti-Christian concert. It's an amazing story actually...one that can shake your core beliefs in what's supposedly appropriate and inappropriate. I questioned my own thoughts and motives...wondering if I would have let the extreme anti-God band give a concert in my church. I don't know what I would have done, honestly...but I do know that whichever way I would have chosen, it would have caused a deep wrestling match in my soul...and I wonder if I would have made the right decision.

I glanced down at the few comments that were posted, which I seldom do on YouTube...and was completely overwhelmed by this one:

"I am an atheist, but I really enjoyed hearing your beliefs concerning what God is. Your God of love will do a lot more for the world than the Christian God that I hear about most often, who seems to be mostly concerned with hate."

Two weeks ago that comment brought tears to my eyes. And now, as I just reread it for this blog, tears flowed again. 2000 years, and we've done a crap job of showing who Jesus really is. Why? How can we get it so incredibly wrong over and over again?

It's such a hard balance in finding the heart of God on issues of sin and sinners. Knowing what's truly right and wrong in His eyes, and not through the eyes of what our Christian culture declares right and wrong. But when will we really get it? When will we cause the world to want to embrace a relationship with God instead of run from Him because of His people?

When will we begin to show the truth? When will we let go of our religious blinders and truly walk like Jesus walked? When will these comments from the world not be the norm because they see their Creator as someone who deeply loves them and embraces them exactly where they are. God hates sin...despises it. He tells us repeatedly to get our sh*t in order and act appropriately. I don't believe we've even begun to comprehend the level of holiness He is calling us too. But there's something deeply not right about the God we've portrayed to a lost and hopeless world. There's a balance we have obviously yet to find because we continually push people away from God...not to Him. And I fear standing before Him, as a people, and being held accountable to that fact.

Our hearts must change. Our walk must change. The image of Jesus we've showed in our past cannot be the Jesus we show in our future, or most importantly, in our present. This has to be an issue that breaks our hearts, causes us to cry out in repentance, and changes our walk. I cannot imagine anything worse than portraying the wrong image of God to the world.

Sadly, even when this balance is found, people will still choose to stay away from God. But we, as His followers, should not be the reason they stay away from Him. Our lifestyle, with love oozing out of pores, ready answers of hope and redemption...should be the reason they want to embrace Him...and become more like Him.

Counting....counting...counting...

2011-07-06T23:33:00.001-06:00

Alas, I am again lamenting at my lack of proper blog-posting-timing. I hate that I don’t do it as often and as quickly as I want. Trust me, if I blogged like I want to in my head…this would be the greatest blog in. the. UNIVERSE. At least it would be…in my head.

Someday, I will reach this seemingly out of reach goal.

Someday.

And today…I’m gonna count my gifts. Because I have a long non-published list going and I’m ridiculous for continually putting off a published list. So here are just a few highly precious moments from the past couple of months…

255- Getting to go to Amber’s sonogram appt with her! Her husband was out of town, so she let me go in his place. And it wasn’t just ANY sonogram appt…it was THE sonogram appt! We found out she was a carrying a loud and proud baby of the male persuasion!! It was a slightly shocking moment since everyone was convinced it was a girl...but the news couldn't have been more perfect! It was the first sonogram appt I’ve been too…and of course was in tears the majority of the time seeing him on the big screen and hearing his heartbeat. I felt overwhelmingly honored and privileged that she let me come and be a part of this appt with her...especially since it was only a matter of days before she'd be moving off to become an Eskimo.

256- In the midst of that crazy adventurous whirlwind time…spending fabulous moments with Amber before she moved…packing, organizing, chilling, laughing hysterically, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and stopping everything for important life moments such as watching Funny Girl for the first time. (I couldn’t let her move till I had properly introduced her to Bab’s first movie!)

257- Having a Mother’s Day dinner with some of my favorite mom’s. My bff Holly, Renee’, and of course my own! It was a simple evening but filled with much love and my heart was most definitely full.

258-262 Speakingofwhich- a 3 week visit from my Momma! It was amazing. We hadn’t had hang out time like this since I moved out when I was 18. Isn’t that crazy? We found a $29 flight and she was here till we drove back to TX on Memorial Day weekend. I’m only assigning 5 numbers to this…but the reality is that it was filled with a hundred gifts. This was highly precious time that was truly cherished and valued.

263- Being a part of MTS graduation. While in TX on Memorial day weekend, a sudden and impromptu decision was made when I realized graduation was happening and it involved 2 girls that I’ve connected with through the class I taught. I also got to go up and pray for them while the Pastor's were praying and commissioning them. Because they didn't know I was coming (cause I didn’t until an hour before) they were very shocked when my name was called to go up...and lots of hugs and tears abounded. I was SO proud of these girls...and KNOW God has much in store for them...and can't even begin to find the words to express my gratitude in being able to play even a small part in their lives.

264- Receiving the sweetest most precious card from Julia, a dear friend and one of my Selah girls. She made me teary from the sweet words and totally made my day!

265- New girls coming to Selah Tuesdays. We’ve always been a small group, with many transitions and these girls seem to be constantly moving away from here! But I’m amazed that every time someone leaves, another person comes to be a part.

266- Long hot baths during the weeks I was teaching at church. I always love taking baths, although I don’t always take the time for them. BUT there was something about the dynamic while teaching that changed everything. When I was stressed, when I couldn’t get my thoughts together or find direction…I would just lock myself in the bathroom with bubbles surrounding me…and it would all come together. I know it seems bizarre. But I was excited by this revelation and embraced it fully. I took countless baths those 7 weeks...day and night. The bathtub became quite the holy place for me.

267- FINALLY getting my own domain for this blog. (Part of that ‘perfect blog world’ I aspire too)…I was always overwhelmed at the concept- the technical effort and the cost…but stumbled upon a blog that showed how easy and cheap it was, and I followed through immediately!

268- Relay for Life! This was the 3^rd year my church has been a part, and the 2^nd year that I’ve been able too. It’s an honor to help raise money for cancer research…an issue very near to my heart and the hearts of the people at our church.

269- Hearing Taps playing at night. I live in the vicinity of one of the bases here in the Springs…and when my windows are open and my house is quiet…at precisely 10 pm, I can hear Taps softly playing announcing the end of the day. It always makes me nostalgic for my childhood…remembering how at the end of every Girl Scout meeting, we’d stand in the Friendship Circle, arms crossed over each other as we held hands and sang Taps to close the meeting. In fact...I can hear it again even as I type this...

270- Ursula, my upstairs neighbor. It's been a divine connection, and I'm so thankful God has put her in my life. She's German...and I can often hear her singing German (possibly Opera?) songs as she walks around the apartment complex. She is such a joy...and because of her I've even been able to meet some of my other neighbors too. (after meeting no one for years!)

Every good and perfect gift is from you, Father of Lights.

Wal-Mart brings out a level of Pride and Prejudice in all of us...

2011-06-30T11:39:00.001-06:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that if you dare take a trip to Wal-mart at night, you must be in want of an encounter with crazies.

And that's exactly what happened on my last trip there.

I was helping bff Holly get supplies for her job, and picking up some personal stuff too. We get what we need and walk to the front. And here’s something that I know will really shock you... the lines at the check out were INSANE because there wasn't enough open. (I know, utterly shocking!)

So Holly and I get in separate lines next to each other. No one was behind me yet, and I realized my purse was still in the basket with Holly. So I quickly step over to grab it and start to step back into my line. From the opposite direction comes this tall, 20-something boy who’s heading to my line. I wasn’t about to lose my place, and I was closer than him, so it only took a quick step to get there.

Ok. So he arrives maybe a step or so behind me. And what does he do? Tries to fight for that place! (or at least that's what I thought) And how does he do that? BY STANDING NEXT TO ME. Next. Not slightly in front. Not slightly behind (where he should have been) but beside. me. And not at a comfortable space between us…but RIGHT UP NEXT TO ME. Oh it was SO weird. I wouldn’t even look at him cause I was getting really creeped out. So I start to “casually” look at the magazines beside me and kinda subtly step forward. And what does he do? Steps up with me! And he’s still creepy close. In fact…he gets SO close he is LITERALLY touching me! Our shoulder’s kept knocking together! And did he jump away and say excuse me? NO! He leaned against me and stayed where he was! TOUCHING. ME. What is going on? I tried several times to get Holly’s attention but never could. (Although she had apparently been watching and kept thinking “Is he touching her?”)

So at some point I break free and put my stuff up on the conveyor belt and he then steps back behind me. Relief!! But then! Instead of using the little divider to divide our stuff…he puts his stuff NEXT TO MINE...like I'm going to buy his stuff for him because he had apparently confused me with his girlfriend. So of course I find a divider and push his stuff back and place it down between our stuff. I still have yet to look up at him.

AND THEN…he really starts acting weird. Eyeing all the candy and such REALLY close. Like, his face is inches from the candy. AND THEN…I see him grab some tic tacs AND PUT THEM IN HIS POCKET. He stole tic tacs. Right up there in front next to the cashier. At this point I do turn to look at him cause I’m just so shocked and can’t take it anymore. One glance and I suddenly understood…he was not in his right clear-headed mind...this guy was definitely on something. Definitely. I don’t know what, it wasn't alcohol…but he was hanging out and shopping around Wal-Mart in a drug induced state. (hmmm...I'm wondering how much more entertaining Wal-Mart would be if you were the one high...)

Then it’s my turn. So I was trying to figure out a price for a bathmat that didn’t have a price or didn't come up on those price-check things. It wouldn’t come up for the cashier either so she was calling her manager to find out what to do. (I was hoping it was on sale for $5) This guy suddenly gets annoyed WITH ME…and says “Ooohhhhh what? You gotta call someone? Can I just go ahead of her cause I only have like, 2 things and I'm in a hurry?” So at this point, I ever so slightly snap. I turn to him and said, “No. I only have 3 things, she’s already doing what she needs to do, and (in by best mom-voice) you’ll be JUST fine and can stand there and wait.”

The cashier almost laughed out loud. And then quickly scanned my other two things so that the transaction was in progress and Crazy couldn’t keep whining.

The whole 10 minute experience was a little entertainment and a little hell all wrapped up together. I *wanted* to ask him in front of the cashier if he was going to pay for those tic tacs in his pocket…but I chickened out.

Oh! And wanna know what 2 things Druggy McDruggerson was purchasing and in such a hurry about?

A box of fruit roll ups…and a pillow.

Blog Change!

2011-06-16T01:03:00.000-06:00

Oohhh...look at me, 2 posts in one day!

Oh, actually, scratch that...I just realized we've reached the wee hours of the next day. Oops...nevermind.

BUT....guess what:

I am my own domain! The address for my blog is now:

www.girlseekstruth.com

No worries...jennpossible.blogspot.com is supposed to automatically redirect you. BUT...it would probably be wise to change the address in any automatic links you may have.

And my blog is currently "in transition"...so who know what or how it's going to look for the next day or so...so please bear with me.

AAAaaaanndd...it looks as if I did lose my blog rolls. (oh the agony!) I HOPE that they will come back...but uuuuuhhhhh...I'm not so sure. I will try to get that back up and going soon, if I can remember them all. The HELPFUL thing would be to leave me a comment to remind me you were on my list (or that you'd like to be on my list)...and the link to it for my easy finding. Just sayin.

Yippee! And now...I must sleep...

Worthship ........... (part 2)

2011-06-15T13:02:00.001-06:00

We were created to worship. And our God is worthy of our worship. This truth doesn’t become any less true, or any more mundane, no matter how long we meditate on that concept, no matter how much we think we grasp it. It only becomes more real. More evident. And it’s a concept that we should let permeate and utterly consume our hearts and minds.

I remember a phrase that was repeatedly declared during my YWAM Tyler days, “The entire expanse of the universe...fits into the hand of God”. I had heard this concept spoken many times in my life. But during my YWAM days, this truth began to really take root in my Spirit.

To think about this concept for even a second, can mess with your mind. But don’t think about it for just a second. Stop. Meditate on it. Contemplate it. Let it roll around in your mind and just try to grasp this overwhelming, truly awesome notion.

When my friends and I would lie in the field, looking up at the stars of that East Texas sky, I would try to let the concept seep deep into my mind. I would think, “if just the part of the sky I can see right now fits into the palm of God, then I serve a really big, really mighty God.” But that’s just it, what I saw was only the tiniest, of the tiniest, of fraction of sky. While staring up at the atmosphere, I would then try to slowly let it expand in my mind. I would try to imagine the sky over all of Texas. After I'd ponder that for a few moments, I'd then expand the vision in my mind and tried to envision the sky over the South…then over the entire US. I would let each new step settle in my mind and would then move to the next phase...trying to wrap my mind around outer space…around our Solar System…then the Milky Way. And then I would meditate on the fact there are hundreds and thousands of galaxies out there…billions and billions of light years away. The outer space that we've discovered is enough to blow your mind...but imagine what we have yet to discover. I would try to let it all sink in...and then I would try to fathom all that, in it's entirety, far beyond what we could possibly know...fits...into the palm...of the hand...of my Creator. The One who knows me intimately, knows everything about me. My thoughts, my feelings, how many cells make up my body, how many hairs are on my head. The entire universe fits in His hand, yet, He concerns Himself, with me. He thinks about me. He deeply and affectionately loves me.

THAT is an Almighty God. THAT is a God who deserves to be worshipped. He is worthy of us stopping our piddly little days and focusing on Him. Standing in awe of Him. Marveling at the uncreated Creator of the universe.

And I find its one thing to be sitting in church or in my home thinking about this concept…but it’s a whole other thing to walk out at night…gaze up at the sky…and try to wrap my mind around the magnitude of who my God is.

Try it.

I live in the Rocky Mountains, and I can’t go a single day without looking at Pikes Peak, and realizing I serve an amazing, awesome God. But there’s something about the night sky…away from the city lights…gazing at the stars…that arrests my spirit. I’ve stopped many times on my way back to my hometown in West Texas to just stare at the night sky, especially when I’m needing a reminder of just how big my God is, and how my problems or circumstances don’t remotely compare. And the West Texas sky is the greatest place for a refreshing revelation. The barrenness and extreme flatness of the land may not be much to look at during the day, but the vast night sky is absolutely breathtaking. It puts life in perspective, how magnificent God is, and how small I am in comparison. It reminds me where my focus really needs to be. Not on myself, my roller coaster feelings, my stress of whatever problem there may be, my endless set of questions in which I'm awaiting an answer…but on my Mighty, Faithful, Unique, Life-Giving, Awesome, Uncreated God.

And my Spirit rises in worship. Because the Creator is worthy.

He is worthy of my time.

He is worthy of my thoughts.

He is worthy of my focused worship.

Selah.

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
The skies display his craftsmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak;
night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;
their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
and their words to all the world.

Psalm 19:1-4 (NLT)

Recipe Obsession

2011-06-12T22:32:00.002-06:00

Wanna know my newest obsession? It’s a meal I could eat literally morning, noon, and night. It’s completely the fault of my friend Renee’ who first made it for me a couple months ago. And now…now it’s all I want to eat…ever.

Ok, that may be exaggerated...but it’s not exaggerating to say I could easily eat this 3x a week at least. I know…I’m insane. But I do love all varieties of Asian food and could easily forever live on the Eastern cuisine...so it's not really that much of a stretch.

But what I telling you is...is that you need to make this. Today. Or, you know, tomorrow, after a quick trip to the grocery store.

It's Simple Sesame Noodles from the Pioneer Woman herself.

The following is all directly from her blog:

Recipe: Simple Sesame Noodles

Prep Time: 10 Minutes | Cook Time: 10 Minutes | Difficulty: Easy | Servings: 8

Ingredients

12 ounces, fluid Thin Noodles, Cooked And Drained
¼ cups Soy Sauce
2 Tablespoons Sugar
4 cloves Garlic, Minced
2 Tablespoons Rice Vinegar
3 Tablespoons Pure Sesame Oil
½ teaspoons Hot Chili Oil
4 Tablespoons Canola Oil
4 whole Green Onions, Sliced Thin

Preparation Instructions

Whisk all ingredients (except noodles and green onions) together in a bowl. Taste and adjust ingredients as needed.
Pour sauce over warm noodles and toss to coat.
Sprinkle with green onions and toss.
Serve in a bowl with chopsticks. Yummy!

Here's the direct link to her page if you wanna see her pretty pictures and such: Recipe

My tips: I double, even triple or quadruple sometimes, the chili oil measurements and it’s still barely spicy…in my opinion.

I like to just use linguini noodles...cause it's easy.

I also do a quick stir fry of chicken and vegetables (broccoli, zucchini, carrots, etc) to add to it.

Oh! And tonight I actually used olive oil instead of canola oil cause that’s all I had in my cupboards…and it was totally fab.

And I read in the comments over on her page that lots of people add peanut butter to the mix also...and I'm so gonna try that soon too!

EAT THIS! And then come back and thank me later.

I love lamp…and the adventures thereof…

2011-06-06T15:43:00.003-06:00

I love all things artsy and most things crafty. I however, am not always the most creative person there is (although I’m intentionally working on this area of my life) but I can usually copy an idea pretty darn well.

So many many moons ago, I came across a super-fantastic-amazing-spectacular lamp that you could make yourself for under $15. It was gigantically fabulous. So I began the search for a paper lantern so I could make this light. I searched everywhere, but couldn’t find what I was looking for…without having to pay a ridiculous amount of money. The original article said she got hers at IKEA…for you know, a dollar or something. So I looked at their site- and found what I thought (mmmm foreshadowing…dun dun duuuuun) was the one…but also saw that they wouldn’t ship it. So a plan began to form in my head.

Thanks to facebook…and many friends traveling from my hometown to the DFW area all the dang time…(I miss taking those trips!) I asked if anyone would be willing to bring back a lantern for me, and then I’d pick it up on my next trip down to Tejas. (so much effort for a $5 light) I had several great friends volunteer…and after some back and forth…a semi-high maintenance plan was in place, with a relay lantern-passing event that should qualify for metals. HUGE shout-out to the spectacular White family. (that's their last name people, I'm not being racist) They were so extremely helpful...even though they probably thought I'd lost my ever-lovin mind.

So, Leslie (who really should start blogging again) was buying it...and at some point passing it to her mom Linda...who was then bringing it back to Lubbock. (I don't think it involved the rest of the family, but who knows)...and then I met up with Linda at church, to pick it up. When she gave it to me I was sooooo confused. Cause this was not, in fact, the gigantic lantern that was in my head. It was a cute, little, average sized one. I didn't let on to my confusion...because I thought maybe Leslie was the one that was crazy, not me...and I was trying to be nice. Plus, in the transport, it had gotten a tear in it. Which, honestly, for what I was planning to do with it wouldn't have been a big deal, I think...but the whole thing was just crazy. I had been SO excited that the plan had come together and I could finally make the lantern of my dreams...and the dream was deflating before my very eyes. (dramatic, much?)

So I went back and looked at the one on IKEA’s website. And realized my highly-anti-number mind struck again. I was the crazy one...not Leslie. It clearly stated it was 45 cm, but what did that translate in my head? 45 inches. Giant. What’s even crazier…is that if I had really thought THAT part through too…would have realized that was way too big...because the original one the project called for was about 23 inches. Oy the insanity of my crazy over-estimating-assumptions-no-concept-of-numbers mind.

So…I decided I still needed a bigger lamp for my original project...and would maybe practice on this one. Then, while searching for something fun to do with my bar stools (do you see the multiple projects going on in my brain? Oy.)…I came across this picture and was instantly in love…and knew this is what I wanted to do with my highly traveled labor of love lantern.

From Parlour blog

And so…months later, with a free afternoon and high determination to stop putting it off any longer…I turned this small, torn lantern into a gorgeous masterpiece. It did make me slightly lament that I do not own the BBC Pride and Prejudice series to indulge in as I hot-glued away...because that would have been utter perfection....but I did clear out some much needed space on the dvr.

And voila-

The finished masterpiece.

I made my 'ruffles' slightly further apart than the ones I researched online. And the ones online trimmed theirs so that it was all even...but I liked the unevenness of it...I think it makes it look more...fluffy. Then after some slightly more drama in which I will spare you the details…weeks (aka months) later, it’s finally found its home in my now favorite corner of my living room. Along with a lamp I had found at an antique shop and spray painted. (The shade was found out Lowes.) And yes…I have plans for making over that table too…just waiting for the time, $$, and resources to pull it off. But it will also be spectacular.

LOVE love love love LOVE

Lamp before

Lamp after

Lit up! Ah-mazing!!

It’s only been hanging for a week…but it makes my heart so happy to be able to sit and stare at it…

Also…I have in fact found the lantern needed for my bedroom one…and will let you know as soon as that project is finally finished…or you know…gets started…

Also also...Praise GOD Denver's IKEA is opening next month! (July) OoooOOoooOOoohhhh Praise the Lord oh my soul! Who wants to come sleep out with me for the grand opening??????

Canyon Revelations

2011-06-04T23:40:00.003-06:00

I started praying one of those dangerous prayers this week. I asked God to increase the concept of ‘the fear of the Lord’ in my life.

Last time I did that, was in 2001, during my School of Intercession, Worship, and Spiritual Warfare, with YWAM. I was getting ready for the day, innocently blow drying my hair…and began to pray that prayer. An hour later (with many details and concepts leading up to this moment, it wasn’t just my prayer, just creepy coincidental timing)…the entire school was on our face in the classroom…and the presence of God was so strong, and so...ominous…that for the first time I truly understood why that when the Lord, or a Messenger, appeared before the characters in the Bible, they immediately fell to their face and cried out for mercy in fear and trembling. It was an intense moment, (week) to put it mildly. But I was so thankful for the new revelations it brought to my walk.

This week, for many reasons, I felt that same need to ask for another increase. Proverbs says that the beginning of wisdom, and the beginning of knowledge is the Fear of the Lord. And I’m in definite need of more wisdom and knowledge. And I'm in definite need to know God more...in new ways...new intensity...new depths. I've coasted on my current depth for far too long.

As I was praying about this, God reminded me of the first night we arrived at the Grand Canyon.

(it’s taken me forever to write this, cause I’m pretty sure everyone’s gonna think I’ve lost my ever lovin mind with this correlation)

We first arrived late at night…driving in from Colorado. None of us had any idea what to expect. The fastest way to get to where we were going was driving through the park, itself. So we entered…and started driving the narrow, winding road. Of course, there wasn’t a single light, no street lights, not even moonlight. It was pitch. black. Overwhelmingly so. And not knowing what to expect, it started to kind of freak me out. The concept of the ‘unknown’ started to get to me. I didn’t know how close to the edge we were driving…if it was half a mile, or mere feet. (the pull-over look out points really freaked me out) All I could think about was the massive canyon just beyond our sight and the incredible cliff drop-offs that I had seen in countless pictures. I let my imagination take over for a bit too long. I started thinking…What if I lost control of the car? What if I accidentally swung off the road? What if we dared pulled over to get out and see if we could see anything, and fell off the cliffs into the vast darkness? What if, at any moment, we were suddenly sucked in by some crazy gravitational pull of the Canyon floor? (well aware of my extensive craziness)

I knew my imagination was being ever so slightly dramatic. But even after I pushed away the ludicrous thoughts, and began to enjoy the peaceful darkness around us, this immense fear swept over me. But it wasn’t the normal fear that I'm far to accustomed to...it was a deeply respectful fear. At that moment, even without having yet seen the Canyon in person, I suddenly had a profound respect for it's existence. This feeling was intense and engaging....and......awesome. Knowing that we were safe and secure, within the boundaries we were supposed to be in....but also respecting the fact that craziness on our part, recklessness or neglect, crossing over the boundaries, could in fact lead to our demise.

I actually started thinking...this is what the fear of the Lord should feel like. That intense, overpowering feeling of a respectful, healthy fear of our God. Knowing He created me, knows my inmost being, and loves me with Agape love...but also knowing my life is in His hands, and He could in fact strike me dead for the slightest disobedience. (just ask Ananias and Saphira from Acts 5...a passage we like to quickly skim over)

I wanted to remember that tangible feeling forever as I looked out into the vast darkness around me.

And now....the rest of my Canyon story...


Raining over the Canyon

Daylight came and I was in absolute awe of the majesty of my God. To look out at the breathtaking views, and think, "He created this. With His hand...or with just His spoken word....for no real reason other than just because, He could.

To sit and realize that He knows every detail of this canyon. He even knows the logistics of how it was formed, when we're only left with guesses and assumptions. Whether it was billions of years, or just a few thousands. Whether it was formed during the beginning of Creation, or during The Flood. Whether it was a result of Pangea...or The Fall...or just because He was in the mood to create it that day.

I could have spent several more days there because I truly wanted to see it from every angle possible. Which, if you know me, is kinda crazy since the Grand Canyon, is in fact outside…and all nature-y and stuff. And you know, I usually do my best to avoid any such moments.

But suddenly I was hopping up and down rocks and trails…figuring out how to get as close to the edge as possible…crossing broken barrier tapes for better views…standing out in the freezing cold and rain, just because I couldn't stop staring at the formations...

I was a little bit of a maniac.

This was at the bookstore and it made me laugh
because of my *momentary* new-found
love for the outdoors

a sign at one of the stops

I wanted to shout out in worship at the top of my lungs. I wanted to lay on my face at the edge of the Canyon in reverence to the Uncreated Creator. I wanted to spin and dance and sing out loud. I restrained myself from these outward expressions (for better or worse) but my Spirit was alive and loud with feelings of worship. I loved this natural expression of the hand of God...this gorgeous piece of creation that effortlessly points to the Ancient of Days.

I definitely hope to make it back...and see the other sides of this vast Canyon. (especially the part we passed in the dark!)
And I desperately hope God answers the cry of my heart for more of Him.

Twitter + Coffee = Very, very blessed

2011-06-01T14:06:00.001-06:00

Tell me you don’t just love the fabulousness of social media? Course…this probably has to do with my extroverted-social lovin-relationship oriented-self…but still. It’s better than pen-pals, I swear. Remember those? Actually- random pre-story: I had a pen-pal when I was in 1st grade with another girl named Jennifer in a nearby town. A year later, we moved to that town…and the summer after 2nd grade while at the local swimming pool…I met a girl named Jennifer. After weeks of hanging out…we finally realized it- WE were each other’s pen pals! My life could be a movie I tell you...this was just the beginning of my crazy interchanging reconnecting world of relationships. I have countless of those stories.

Ok...but now the point of THIS post:

So several weeks ago, while still getting up ridiculously early because I was teaching at church, I was in the midst of my normal morning routine. First things first- making the coffee! The whole day hinges on this important moment. So I made it…and curled up on the couch, looking over my notes and praying for the service. A few minutes later, I noticed the aroma of coffee was NOT filling my home. I was annoyed at myself because I assumed I forgot to turn on the coffee maker. So I got up and made my way to the kitchen…when a horrifying discovery was made. The light was on…but nothing was a-brewing! I clicked the switch back and forth, plugged and unplugged, prayed, and begged God for a resurrection miracle.

Nothing.

Now, I’m not as addicted to coffee as I am addicted to the routine of coffee…especially when something important is happening that day. I like cozying up with a warm cup and a blanket. I love clutching the mug, slowly sipping it as I sort out my thoughts for the day, in the stillness and quietness of the morning.

And as far as I was concerned, this was full on tragedy. I was trying not to let it push me over the edge. (since the stress of the leading the series at church was keeping me pretty close to it) I kept telling myself that silly routines and ‘moments’ didn’t matter. That there were FAR greater issues happening that day that deserved my attention…and that I just needed to let go and move on with the day.

Of course, this wasn’t before screaming out my meltdown on Twitter about what had happened.

Many days pass, and here I was, without a coffee maker…trying to figure out a plan about how to get one. I’m still, highly unfortunately, unemployed…and unemployment barely, but not really, covers my necessary bills…with nothing left over for the frivolousness of new coffee makers. I was trying to figure out what to do…where I could rearrange money options…or debating with myself whether I could justify putting it on a credit card that I’m desperately trying to pay off.

While out and about one day, I was checking Twitter via my cell phone…and accidentally hit the message button. And there it was. A message that had been there for over a week but I hadn’t seen it, an instant reply to my coffee meltdown. (stupid ‘new’ Twitter and their lack of message notification!) It was from a friend of a friend…someone I haven't met yet…but we tweet each other regularly. She told me that she would love to send me her coffee maker- because someone had bought this piece of fabulousness for her as a gift, but she couldn’t make a pot of coffee to save her life!

Long story short…after lots of back and forth and such…this morning the UPS guy knocked on my door…and within 20 minutes I had coffee brewing. Amazing, yummy, fabulous coffee.

*blissful sigh* Life is good again. I am very blessed. And I can settle back into my comforting routine anytime I feel like it with this crazy amazing, fancy, fabulous gift.

Cheers to the precious giving heart of my Twitter friend!

And to the amazing thoughtfulness of her friend that was the first to give the gift of this maker...And to our mutual friend that we're connected through...And to the creators of Twitter, who made all this possible.

May the blessing be returned to you, Rhonda, a hundred fold, and hopefully, maybe someday, we can share a cup in person!

Chan's video

2011-05-21T10:08:00.001-06:00

I admit it...I still haven't read 'Love Wins' by Rob Bell. And I still haven't researched, for myself, the Biblical scriptures on Hell.

So I'm still not sharing my opinion about that.

But yesterday my friend posted this Francis Chan video on his facebook page. And I'm loving Chan more and more all the time...so of course I watched it.

And I was speechless...

...and deeply convicted....

These 2 concepts alone have messed me up for the last 24 hrs...

"We're just pieces of clay trying to explain to other pieces of clay what the Potter is like."

and...

"When we make statements like "Well God wouldn't do this ___ " ...at that moment we're putting God's actions into our reasoning..."

Those thoughts are enough to leave you contemplating and speechless for days.

Totally worth the time... and would love to hear your thoughts about it...

It's so hard...to say goodbye....

2011-05-17T21:24:00.003-06:00

I am a relationship-oriented girl. People are my thing. And the one thing I hate most in this world…is goodbyes. I’m not talking the little ‘see ya later’ ones (ok, actually, I still hate those too)…but I’m talking the heart ripping, gut wrenching, don’t know the next time we’ll see each other, if ever, goodbyes. I’m not being dramatic. That’s really how it feels to me. I don’t get people who aren’t fazed by major goodbyes. I kinda want to push them down. And honestly, I have to work hard not to judge them as cold and heartless when really, it’s that we’re just wired differently. (and I do occasionally envy that detachment)

I’ve always known this about myself...end of year school times always stressed me out and made me sad because I didn’t want to move on and leave those people behind. But, I realized I was pretty much completely crazy in the head about this issue the end of my Senior year in high school. I had a close group of friends that had been together for several years. The group had slightly shifted several times…but everyone was still around for the most part, even if they weren’t hanging out with us consistently. And then…Mark changed the game. Mark came in and announced he was joining the Navy and would be leaving in a few months. He would be the first one in our group to officially move on to the next season of life. And let’s just say that I did NOT deal well with this at all. I was in tears pretty much most of the time whenever the thought of this change creeped up in my mind. Poor Mark, I’m sure he had no idea what to do with my basket-case self. And of course I was gonna miss Mark, himself…but there was something about the concept of his leaving that messed me up. The concept that things would never be the same…that this specific dynamic at this specific time…would be lost forever. That part messes me up as much as the loss of the relationship does. And I don’t know why it tears me up like it does.

And let me tell you, people who feel like their heart’s being ripped out by goodbyes should not join YWAM. (Youth With a Mission) This is just one big continual transitional mess. People are constantly coming and going. And because of what we’re doing…the training for missions/ministry…the prayer times…the outreach times…these are people you bond with on a deeper level and a faster pace than normal relationships. And again, I’d be a total basket case toward the ends of my schools. For two-three weeks before it was over, I’d be in a relentless state of tears. We’d be hanging out, having fun, I’d be laughing and enjoying myself…yet- uncontrollable tears would be streaming down my face, because again, the concept that this dynamic would be lost forever, and the fact that I didn't know if I'd ever see anyone again...messed. me. up.

I know…it’s really like I should get some sort of major therapy, isn’t it...or at least some medication...

Wanna know what else you shouldn’t do if you suffer from this crazy disorder? Move to Colorado Springs, that’s what. It’s apparently one of the most transitional cities in the world. Too bad I didn't know that before I got here. People come and go WAY too quickly here. And linking up with a church that focuses on the military isn’t the brightest idea either, I’m just saying. Cause they’re the most transitional of the transitional people in this city.

Sarah and I at her baby shower

I’ve only been here a few years, and have already had to say goodbye to WAY too many people. And there's a trend that is trying to develop that must be stopped. It started with Sarah, one of my closest friends here. She announced she was pregnant and of course excitement abounded. Shortly after that…she announced they were moving to Washington. Now, I’ve learned to handle these situations only slightly better than my high-school self. I was able to use most of my tears up in private instead of in front of her. (I said most) And I had to really work through not being mad at God and just accept what was happening. I was just getting so tired of people here moving away...I didn't know if I could take much more.

Course...I was left with a constant reminder of her...since she was the designer of my most fabulously amazing tattoo...

Then, a couple months ago…Amber, a kindred spirit in ways we'd only just begun to discover...tells me she has some important news and we go out to dinner. She then announces she’s pregnant…AND by the way….they’re also moving to Alaska. I’m not making this up…is this not the most ridiculous trend you've ever heard?? She left this week...thus my need for a goodbye-blog-vent.

80's party...and the beginning of the deep
bond that was forever between us

I sometimes debate whether or not God is sitting up there just trying to mess with me. I mean, He created me with this deep connection and unceasing amount of tears for people…so why would He possibly continue to put me in these situations? I sometimes think it’s a cruel joke.

But then I think…if the alternative is NOT knowing these people…NOT learning who they are…NOT being involved in their lives…NOT caring about whether or not they reach their God-given destinies…then that’s an even greater heartbreaking concept than only knowing them for a season and having to say goodbye. Because I’m thankful I get to be a part of their lives…even if only for short glimpses. I'm thankful for the ones I get to bond with on deeply spiritual levels, even when it makes the goodbyes that much harder.

And...even through the perpetual tears...I am thankful that this is who God created me to be...and He wouldn't want it any other way.

P.S. Also....everyone....please stop moving away....especially if you're about to have a baby....

The Royal Wedding

2011-05-09T12:37:00.002-06:00

Oh see how I thought I was gonna impress ya’ll last week with 3 posts in a row….and then life got crazy and I never got to stop and post this one. PLUS…after I wrote it, I wished it was funnier, so I was gonna rewrite it when I was in a funnier mood…but, there wasn’t time for funny this week. So instead…you just get to be WOWed by the pictures. We just can’t put this post off any longer…cause it’s all about…

The Royal Wedding. Now, as much as I FULLY own my personal princess identity…I have to admit…I wasn’t paying attention to anything regarding the Royal Wedding. I didn’t watch ANY coverage, no documentaries, nothing. But sometime the week before the wedding, I decided I should probably watch it, since you know, it was a culture phenomenon and all. (I even had to research to find out when the wedding day was) Then, last week, (or two weeks ago-it's all a blur) Becoming Paige declared it Princess Week in honor of the wedding and so I decided for the final week I should fully embrace all things royal. I began watching the documentaries and shows of how they met, what the wedding was gonna look like and the fun stuff like that.

As Friday approached, I found myself disappointed I hadn’t put together a viewing party. Most of my friends had to work Friday and watching it that morning wasn’t an option. Holly, my bff and roommate said she’d attempt to wake up and watch with me…but uuuhhh…let’s just say I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

THEN…on Thursday night…while at a “Farewell Michael Scott (but Welcome to Colorado) Party!” with my friends, the Royal Wedding was brought up. The fabulous Amber was dvr’ing it and had plans to come straight home from work and watch it then. Within a matter of moments, it was decided we’d all come over and be a part.

Course, I still felt the need to watch it live. I took a short nap and was up about 2:30 a.m. I was pretty groggy and debating my dedication when I looked up at the t.v. and saw them- THE HATS! Ooooohhh my goodness. My eyes grew wide and suddenly I wasn’t near as tired as I was 30 seconds before. It was love at first sight…I was in total awe. I got up to make coffee (nope, didn’t go for tea)…and decided to go all out even though I was alone…so I went and put my own tiara on…along with a giant flower for a little extra pizzazz. And…because of the fab of social networking, I was chatting and sharing opinions with friends…and even a part of the commentary happening at my Australian friend's house. So I felt very much a part of the world wide phenomenon happening.

And then....the evening viewing party! The original plan was simple, show up with your own food and comfy clothes. That was it. But as the day progressed...dinner plans turned into full on homemade Asian food buffet...(cause we're THAT cultured- English wedding, Asian food)...desserts of scones and pastry puffs. AND...most importantly...10 minutes before walking out the door...it hit me...we HAD to have headpieces! So the impromptu people that we are...pulled together anything and everything we had on hand to make our own makeshift pieces...all most definitely fit for a Royal Wedding.

It was a FANTATIC night! Amazing food…laughing so hard tears streamed down our faces…our own imitation of the boys choir (yep, there is video proof)...and of course watching a real life Disney fairytale wedding take place.

And since it’s Monday, and I should be listing my gifts…

246- The gift of fabulous friends, who are willing to dress crazy and embrace every moment. And since our precious Amber has decided to pack up and move to Alaska in just a matter of weeks...it was MOST definitely the perfect way to celebrate one last dressing-up soiree with her.


Me! I didn't want to take it off! Debating making this an everyday look

My bff Holly!

Renee' - My plottin' and schemin'
theme party partner!


Amber! The beautiful hostess

Trust me- we have perfected the art
of a homemade Asian buffet
(this wasn't even all of it)

Dessert/Appetizers

Cooking Diva

Stir-fry Startlet

Barbara came late, but of course we threw a flower
on her the moment she walked in the door

Ezekiel- yep, we always
get the kids involved


Grayson-saluting everyone in uniform

And without further ado...I present to you...

The Impromptu 'God Save The Queen' Choir...

(and yes, we are available for booking)

Oh my goodness, the end makes me me giggle every time..and now 'God save the Queen' is gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of the day...

and lastly-
#247-254: The crazy week I had. Because although it left no time for blogging or relaxing of any kind- it did involve packing Pregger Amber's house...much research for my teaching for the Sunday sermon series I'm doing at church, bringing me new revelations of God's heart...an art project for my Mother's Day gift for my Mom....cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, getting everything ready for my Mom's 3 week visit...trip to Denver to pick up my Mom from the airport...and a Baby Shower/Goodbye Party for Amber and Aaron. It was a whirlwind of a week...but everyday of it was a gift.

In Honor of Yom HaShoah

2011-05-02T17:17:00.005-06:00

I’ll never forget the first I attended a Synagogue. Holly, who at the time was only a new roommate, and far from bff status, had been attending for several months. This was long before God so profoundly opened my eyes and heart to this world. With just a deep curiosity and wondering, I headed out to my first service.

When we arrived for the service, people were walking out, not in. The night we had chosen to go was Family Night and the services start an hour early. But, after all services is the Oneg Shabbat ("Joy of the Sabbath”)…a time of eating desserts and fellowship with each other. After they laughed at our mix up, they convinced us that we had to at least stay for the Oneg and visit.

We filled our plates and looked for a place to sit. I felt so nervous and out of place…wondering what had possessed me to go. Holly lead us to a table with some of her friends and I sat in front of an older woman....who would help change my life.

Her name was Helene Shiver and she was larger than life. She was tall, wore large glasses, had big, bright, perfectly placed white hair, and wore hot pink lipstick. She talked loud and with an accent and had that raspy smoker’s voice. I was instantly fascinated with her and was so happy we had decided to stay.

She began talking about this and that. She’s not one to meet a stranger, and instantly included me. And then she began the story, reciting every detail VERY matter of factly. In that raspy, accented voice she said, “So I was eating dinner this week, and the phone rang. It was a man, and he asked if he could speak with Helene. Now, I knew he had to be Jewish, because the gentiles call me Helen.” (she looked over at me and gave a nod...and I quickly made a mental note never to call her Helen) She continued, “So I said, “Yes, this is Helene.” And he said, “Helene, this is Steven Spielberg, am I calling you at a bad time?”

Now…I’m trying to maintain a calm composure for my first impression with these people. “What?” I said with as much restraint as possible…but my shock and disbelief was pretty evident. “Steven Spielberg? THE Steven Spielberg? WHAT?” I was looking at everyone up and down the table, trying to figure out if I was the only one in shock. Helene, who was still acting extremely matter of fact (although she was LOVING all this) said, “Of course Steven Spielberg. I did an interview for Survivors of the Shoah, telling what happened to me during the Holocaust.”

Now, at this moment my mind was spinning almost out of control. This larger than life woman, who I was already wanting to declare my new bff, was telling a story regarding Steven Spielberg calling her at home. AND…I just found out she was a Holocaust survivor...the first one I’d ever met. As a little girl I was obsessed with Anne Frank…and here I was sitting in front of someone who has survived one of the worst moments of history. My mind was thoroughly spinning out of control…but I quickly shook it off and concentrated on what she was saying because I didn’t want to miss a detail of the story.

She continued the story, despite my abrupt interruption, “So Steven says, “Helene, have I caught you at a bad time?” And I said, “Well, I am eating dinner right now” Steven, who apparently has perfect manners, quickly asked if he should call back later. “No”, Helene said, “You’ve already interrupted me.””

Now at this point, I did lose my sweet demure composure. I laughed out loud, loudly, and threw me hands up in the air- ‘What?!?” I screamed again. “You told STEVEN SPIELBERG it was a bad time?!?!?!?!?” “Yes”, Helene said. “I was eating dinner. But I did talk to him”.

I was totally in love with this woman.

She went on to tell how he had called to tell her that he had seen the footage of her video interview and wanted to thank her for sharing her story. He also had sent her a letter thanking her and he wanted to make sure she got it. She then nonchalantly, although the glimmer in her big twinkling eyes gave her away, showed us all the letter from him. We oo'd and awe'd as we passed it around.

And I must say, that of course I’ve always loved Steven’s movies…but after this story, he’s been at the top of my list of favorite people…and I can’t see him, or his name, without automatically thinking of Helene.

I continued going to the Synagogue, almost every Friday night. I loved the service and I utterly adored the people. Sitting around the table during the Oneg, listening to them exchange their stories, became the highlight of my week.

Helene was an avid speaker, traveling around and educating people about the Holocaust, and sharing her stories. I had many opportunities to go and hear her, but I could never bring myself to do it. I knew some of her details, when she’d matter of factly mention them in a story here or there. For example, she’d mention how it was hard to walk and she had so much trouble with her feet because of the poison that had seeped into them while having to go barefoot at Dachau. But because I was getting to know her personally, I couldn’t bring myself to go and listen to her full story. I would be in tears leaving the Synagogue on so many nights, just because of a small detail she shared, or because I had seen a glimpse of her id number tattooed on her forearm. My heart can’t handle stories of such tragedies. And I knew I’d be a hysterical basket case if I ever went to one of her speaking engagements.

Many years went by, and Holly and I were not as faithful to attend services every Friday night. Then one night, in a fluke moment of switching on the tv, the end of the news was on, and a picture of Helene was being shown. We got excited and stopped to watch, only to hear the very end of the story, and the announcement that she had passed away that week. We were in shock. Even without saying anything, (neither of us could speak) I just grabbed my keys and ran out the door, in search of a newspaper. (this was before most people had internet) The funeral was held the next day…and we went and said our good byes to her.

Helene was an inspiration. She was a fighter. She was a survivor. Holly and I love to share about our encounters with her. (Like the time she took Holly to Bingo and proudly announced to everyone over and over that Holly wasn't Jewish, but just liked to go to the Synagogue) I try my best to imitate her while I reenact the stories, even though I know I’ll never come close to relating the true vibrancy of this woman.

A couple of years had passed after her death, and Holocaust Remembrance day was coming up. A friend of mine who worked in a Multicultural Center had access to a video tape of Helene sharing her story, and she let me borrow it. I knew it was time. I sat and watched it that night, to honor her memory, and the memory of the other 6 million that lost their lives during that monstrous time of history.

Today is Yom HaShoah- Holocaust Remembrance Day. It is the 27th of Nisan on the Hebrew Calendar-the anniversary of the 1943 Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and the day Israel chooses to honor the memory of the Holocaust victims. I find it almost overwhelming, that this year, 2011, the 27^th of Nisan fell on May 1^st-May 2^nd (sundown to sundown)- a day marking the anniversary of the announcement that Hitler was dead, and of course last night, announcing that Osama had been killed.

My prayer for this day is this:

May we never forget.

May this cycle of history never repeat.

May Christians not duplicate the mistakes of our past as we turned a blind eye and refused to get involved. (or worse, involved on the wrong side)

May the Jewish people live in peace, in Israel, and throughout the world.

And for Helene, and the 6 million other victims, may we be very clear, and very serious when we say:

NEVER AGAIN.

Osama...my wonderings + the one thing I know

2011-05-01T23:07:00.007-06:00

Osama’s death was just announced and the social network world blew up. Cheers and declarations of joy regarding his death filled my live streams. It was a shocking announcement…one we’ve waited all too long to hear. American’s have wanted justice since the atrocity of 9/11. And Osama’s death is the only way we would be satisfied.

But as the cheers were being exclaimed…suddenly a deeper reality began to sink into my heart. Osama, as far as we know, did not know the One, True God. He could be a soul lost for all eternity. (this is not a 'Love Wins' debate) And as this realization sank in, I began to wonder if this is truly a moment of celebration.

I began to wonder if God was rejoicing as much as we were. And then I saw someone quote this verse on Twitter: Ezekiel 18:23 “Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked," declares the Lord GOD, "rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?

And I began to realize that if God wasn’t taking pleasure in this…then maybe I should check my own attitude.

And then this verse came up: ‎"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." Proverbs 24:17

Ummmm….wow. Stop and contemplate that verse, it will mess. you. up. Especially in this case.

And then they announced that a group has formed outside the White House… reciting chants and even singing ‘We are the Champions”...and my heart really began to be deeply grieved. We’ve suddenly become the same as the Middle East countries who cheer in their streets when an American dies…who rejoiced and waved their flags on that tragic September day. The media portrayed the White House gathering as a beautiful moment of patriotism and unified celebrations among Americans. I wonder if they’ll say the same thing the next time a nation does the same against us. Do we see that we've just stooped to their level?

Should we be rejoicing as we are? Everyone keeps saying that justice was served. Was God’s justice really served? Or was this our vengeance? Did God want his death? Or did He want his heart?

How many of us rejoicing now, prayed in the past for Osama’s spirit…to see the truth, to come out of the darkness and into the light…to repent and turn from his evil ways. Instead, did we pray, or even just wish and hope, that our troops would find and kill him? I have to say that I didn’t. I didn’t pray for him at all.
And at this realization, any rejoicing I felt at his death stopped altogether.

So many conflicting feelings. There is a man on death row in Texas that keeps getting reprieved, and it has made me angry because he murdered my friend and I have wanted justice. And now I realize I haven't prayed for him either...just wished for his death.

And I know my God hates wickedness. The Bible is full of Him wiping out entire groups of people for their wickedness- and Osama WAS wicked. Maybe God does see this as justice. I'm not saying he didn't need to die. I just question the fact of whether or not we should rejoice in that death like we are.

I am grateful for our military, who have served, fought, and even gave their lives for my safety. From a military viewpoint I see this as a victory. But I also wonder what the backlash will be, and know the war is far from over.

I know people that had a connection to 9/11- ones that should have been on a plane, were in New York, etc. But I personally did not know anyone that died in the attack. And I do wonder if my reaction would be different if I did. I wonder if I would be in the street rejoicing in what I saw as justice for my loved one. I wonder if I could have moved through the grief to search out God’s heart and God’s will for the man He created, and loved, as much as He loves me.

I pray the ones that have desperately needed it, find their closure tonight. And I pray that my heart and eyes would be opened to see God's heart for the people on this earth. All people.

Because, beyond wondering, this I KNOW...it is God's desire for all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. (I Timothy 2:4)

purposed truth

2011-04-28T15:29:00.003-06:00

Passover was over at sundown on Tuesday. Another year, another faithful reminder.

(Post from last year in which I explain the basics of Passover)

During the days of Passover, we are commanded to refrain from eating yeast (leaven). Leaven becomes a picture, a representation, of sin. An issue that seems impossible to rid your life and home of...a constant, daily reminder that it can’t be done in your own strength...and our desperate need for a Savior.

“Seven days there shall be no leaven found in your houses; for whoever eats what is leavened, that person shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he is an alien or a native of the land. You shall not eat anything leavened; in all your dwellings you shall eat unleavened bread.” Exodus 12:19-20 (bold, italicized mine)

Every year I am more and more grateful for this tangible concept. When fasting from anything, you become very conscious of your dependence and need for God. You have to put effort into what you’re eating, thinking it through and weighing the choices. (which can tend to be exhausting!) You can’t just swing through your favorite fast food place and grab a quick bite. Meals with friends becomes more involved because you have to figure out what you can and can’t do…and how to handle the individual situations gracefully without causing offense. It’s a time of constant prayer, conversation, and communion with God.

I was making it through the week without any major problems. The cravings and desires creeped up, but were dealt with. And then......the birthday party.

We were at a restaurant celebrating a friend, and I was feeling good about my intentional preparations for the night. I had been apprehensive about it because it was a German restaurant, and it's pretty much all pork all the time. (which I don’t eat) So my friend Holly and I researched the menu a couple days before and found 3-4 kosher choices. I walked in feeling prepared and the stress fully subsided. Course, there were baskets of amazing looking bread already on the table…and it did cause a momentary temptation…but I persevered through.

It was a really fun night. I went with my guard fully up…but relaxed once the entrée was ordered and I had successfully dealt with my bread envy. Presents were exchanged, bonding was in full swing...and the all-beef Hungarian goulash was delicious. In the midst of the merriment we ordered dessert and continued laughing and telling crazy stories. I was having so much fun and was thinking how happy I was that I chose to come and not let the limited menu keep me away.

And then...

It hit me.

I looked down at my mostly eaten, fluffy crusted, cherry streusel…and then I looked over at the bread pudding Holly just consumed. Yummy...leaven goodness...that neither of us thought twice about. I just sat there a moment trying to comprehend it all. How did I come in so prepared…and suddenly let this happen without a second thought? How did two people doing what God said, holding each other accountable, let it slip by? I leaned over to Holly and told her what I just realized. She gasped loudly, and of course brought all the attention on ourselves. So we shared what just happened…and the laughter and jokes began. “Ohhh…see how simple it just creeps into your life?” "See how you weren't paying attention?" “Ohh...you’re in need of a sacrifice now!” The jokes and comments continued for several minutes.

And I laughed…and joked along with them. (because it was funny…and I’m not crazy or legalistic and get that I wasn’t being sent straight to Hell, nor did I need to find the nearest unblemished lamb to paint my doorframe) But...in the midst of the jokes...something was stirring deep inside.

Because all jokes aside...that’s the Truth of it. That’s the purpose of this fast. That is why God said to celebrate THIS holiday of Passover…because He wants to give us a tangible reminder that we can’t do it without Him. That we need God to keep our boundaries up. And we need the blood of Jesus to cover, protect, and cleanse us when those boundaries come down.

Every year the same lesson.

And every year, I become more and more thankful for this reminder.

But every year, I become more heartbroken because so many Christians refuse to be a part of this life-altering event God gave us. Now, I have many friends who celebrate Lent, and I sincerely hope the following doesn’t bring offense, because it’s truly not my intention in this post. But I don’t get it. I don’t get, as the Body of Christ, we blatantly choose to ignore the treasures God gave us, God commanded us, to participate in…simply because it’s been separated by a single page in our Bible that declares it “Old”. Yet, because our Creator purposefully created us with this kind of need for worship within us- to give up something for God, to set aside a time to remember and reflect on what Jesus did…we freely run after and embrace these Easter concepts, which are man-made and pagan in origin. Lent has become the newest trend in Christianity- people outside the traditional denominations are embracing it like never before…because something inside of us is crying out, knowing that there is significance in this kind of fast and celebration. But we shun the ones God ordained. The ones He perfectly designed to reveal to us His eternal plan for the ages. We ignore the holiday and fast created by God Himself, to remind us that the perfect sacrifice was made for us...because we couldn't...we can’t...find freedom, redemption and salvation by our own strength and works.

And every year, the sadness I feel because the Church is missing out on these truths, intensifies just a little bit more.

Regardless of the added effort it takes, regardless of the fact that I may not make it through without intentional or unintentional mistakes…I am always deeply humbled and grateful for this tangible reminder of His extravagant love for me. This is the purpose of His beloved Passover.

Gift List- The Roadtrip and Family Edition

2011-04-25T22:37:00.016-06:00

231- After our last trip to Lubbock, in an impromptu, last minute move, we convinced my Aunt Debbie to get in the car and come back to CO with us! We promised an ‘eventual’ trip back…which continually got extended, especially with a road trip to Vegas in the works. She ended up being up here in CO for about 6 weeks (my Uncle eventually came and got his bride) We had a fabulous time and I'm SO thankful she came...it was exactly what was needed.

Driving SW in the Southwest

232- Going on an old-fashion road trip!! No timelines (for the first part of the trip)…no electronic GPS (thank you Rand McNally!)…cooler of drinks in the back….and stopping at any ‘Point of Interest’ we wanted too. It was me, Debbie, Holly (who needed to go to Vegas for work, hence the overall purpose), and her son Ezekiel. Our main destinations were: Durango, CO…Grand Canyon…Las Vegas…and back home through Utah.

233- GORGEOUS scenery and new landscapes! It was never a boring moment while I was driving…not like my usual trips to the flatlands of West Texas.

Audrey Hepburn pocket watch

234- Super-cute SUPER-on-sale souvenir found in Durango…featuring one of my most favorite people!

235- Achieving my childhood dream of going to Four Corners! I know that my seem silly, but I thought it was THE coolest concept when I was little. Course…they got all fancy with it sometime during the last 20ish years…it didn't look anything like the specials they showed during my Saturday morning cartoons.

Ezekiel loved this part of the trip...because he can now tell people he shot a rock with a slingshot from Arizona and it landed all the way in Utah!

236- Seeing the Grand Canyon! AH-MAZING. Actually, I should write a post on just that… Ok. I PROMISE one soon! This was by far my most favorite part of the trip.

My very first glimpse of the Canyon

Notice who's laying down...
you know, all ecstatic about where he's at

237- NOT being 11 yrs old on this trip...so that I could truly appreciate the beauty of the Grand Canyon. Unlike...of course...the 11 yr old with us...who walked up to the Canyon, shrugged, and said, "What? It's not like I haven't seen rocks before." *sigh*

238- Getting to watch the speedometer go from this…

to this…

I love milestones...even on cars. (ha! pun not intended)

239- Momentary stop at the Hoover Dam. Actually, I was more mesmerized by the mountain goats than I was by the dam. It was fascinating to watch them run up and down the steep side of the mountain with no fear or problems at all...a precious reminder of God's promises in Psalm 18.

And, of course, this WAS the part of the trip that was loved by 11 yr olds…who, while at the landmark, was allowed to freely discuss the dam scenery, the dam tourists, the dam souvenirs, and pretty much anything regarding the whole dam trip.

One of the views from the tower

240- Being on top of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. It was a fabulous view...the sun was setting…the Bellagio fountains were going off beneath us (for a wedding). I think we stayed up there for almost an hour. It was a beautiful, desperately needed, peaceful moment…in the midst of a sensory overload, heart wrenching, exhausting time.

The couple who was just
married at the Bellagio

I'll just say that Vegas wasn’t really my most favorite part of the trip. But as always, I cope with humor...and I think my Vegas tweets were my most retweeted ones ever. Also, I have even a greater respect for my friends who were able to make it through the entire trip without ever uttering the phrase, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

241- Getting to add 2 new states to my ‘List of States I’ve Been To’- Utah and Nevada! I’m now up to 35. Utah was far prettier than I’d ever thought. This was at the end of the trip and we were needing to rush home, but I really wish we had had more time. Plus, I'll just say, Utah is HIGHLY entertaining with the names of their places. (Pennsylvania ain't got nothing on them!) Michael Scott would have lost his flippin mind. ALSO-there were an overwhelming amount of roadside stops for "tired drivers"...which Debbie and I concluded had to be because the majority of the state's citizens are not allowed to drink caffeine...

He actually loved this more than the Grand Canyon...go figure

242- Returning home, talking to my Mom…and booking her a $40 plane ticket to come up for a visit! She’ll be here for about 3 weeks in May. I’m loving these extended visits! AND…she’ll be here just in time for Mother’s Day....I can’t wait!

243- Watching my friends and family come together and raise money for a very unexpected, but very needed trip for my sister. Everyone just started pitching in what they could and miraculously it all came together and worked out.

244- In the past couple weeks, I’ve watched my sister realize the amazing strength that is inside her. She did exactly what she needed to do. She had to put on her big girl panties and step out into the darkness of the fear of unknown…but she came out with a new found freedom and light. She is stronger, more courageous, and more secure than she’s ever been. I’m extremely grateful for this brand new chapter in her life…and I know that I know that I know…that God has GREAT things in store for her. I am SO proud of my sister.

245- And…on a completely-selfish related note…but trust me, it was a darn good gift for me…I am no longer related, on paper, to the person I dislike most in this world. (and I assure you...he is EQUALLY as elated)

Every good and perfect gift is from you, Father of Lights

Book Love - Crazy Love

2011-04-20T13:04:00.001-06:00

I love books. I’m kinda obsessed with books. We go to thrift stores or antique stores and I just want to look at the books. I love reading almost as much as I love books. I’ll buy them even when I have no intention of ever reading them, just because I love the title or the look of the book. I also like to pretend I’m going to read them...the problem is…I just can’t seem to find enough time to do it. Course…as soon as I say that, several people immediately pop into my head, who I can guarantee are FAR busier than I…and yet they are avid readers. Maybe...I’m a slow reader and didn’t know it. Maybe I can find a free speed reading course that could help solve this problem…well that, and better priorities in my world...but I digress.

And…like all great pieces of information I learn and want to immediately pass along…I’m ALWAYS trying to recommend books to people. Seriously…it’s like a disorder or something. If I’m reading something…I can guarantee I’ll be making a mental note of people I KNOW will benefit from this...and I tell them so. If I could…I’d follow some of them around just to read the book out loud to them…this is how obsessed I am.

Which FINALLY brings me to my point…I decided I’m going to start announcing my currently favorite book, in hopes the hundreds, if not dozens, of people who read this blog will read the book…and their life will be forever changed…yes, you're welcome.

I PROMISE not to do this with EVERY book I read. (but trust me, I’ll sure I’ll still continue to email and shove books into individuals faces, sorry 'bout ya) But hopefully once or twice a month I can highlight a new book here.

So without further ado…this LIFE ALTERING book…that you must run, don't walk....and purchase immediately:

Crazy Love Overwhelmed by a Relentless God
by Francis Chan

I’m not gonna fully review these books. You can march on over to Amazon or read a dozen different blogs that do that. But…I am going to promise that this book WILL impact your life. It’s short, it’s an easy read…but it. is. powerful.

Now, I’ve been blessed to be part of such in-depth amazing schools, it kinda takes a lot to impress me...I'm just sayin. I had a curiosity for this book…but put it off for so long because I thought- Loved by God? DUH! This is one of the few subjects I GET. Like…really truly get. So I kinda thought it would be pointless for me to read it. But then I felt that little nudge from God....

and I LOVED this book. L-OV-ED it.

I immediately thought this was a must-read for EVERY Christian...even though it seemed kinda simple to me at first. But I was impressed with how Chan words things, and I dearly appreciated those reminders.And then...I just don’t know how to explain it, but for me, it suddenly went from simple to profound. The little reminders grew into new depths of truth. And it challenged me to take what I already knew to the next level...already fully secure in God's love, already feeling like I loved God with everything in me...and expanding my perception to new heights and depths. It's been weeks since I've read it...and the concepts are still resonating and challenging my Spirit.

SO…that is my recommendation for this month. I really encourage you to pick it up…and allow the overwhelming majesty of who God is, and the knowledge that He KNOWS and LOVES you intimately to take you to the next level of loving HIM even more.

AND...If you have read it...or do read it...I'd really like to hear your opinions on it as well!

Precious reminders from God...

2011-04-19T01:21:00.005-06:00

Oy! I'm so behind in my Gift List. I AM conscientious of my gifts...but I am slacking when it comes to writing them down. And I do think it makes a SIGNIFICANT difference to write them down...so I need to be better about it. And remember when I announced I was going to try to always do it on Monday's...as an act of Unity??? Oy. So...with less than an hour of this Monday left.........

Although I obviously believe ALL my gifts are from God...this is a list of very specific treasures God has given me in the last couple months...

212- Our Church has starting meeting in different homes on a rotating basis. Sometime during the first rotation I became OVERWHELMED in the midst of Worship with the revelation of the fact that we have the privilege of being in these people’s homes, in their neighborhoods…lifting up the name of God…IN THEIR HOME...praying IN THEIR HOME…declaring scriptures IN THEIR HOME...ushering in the presence of God...IN THEIR HOME. I can't even begin to thank God enough for allowing me to be a part of this precious opportunity.

213- During this same Sunday...we took Communion, and everyone shared what Communion meant to them. It really touched my heart hearing what it meant to each person as they revealed each of their perspectives.

214- I love being close enough to my hometown to get back when I need too…including:

215- …The last trip...being able to reconnect and be there for a friend recovering from cancer and surgery.

216- …the trip before that...when it just became a time to meet with different people who were going through frustrating times. We were able to pray, counsel, and just listen to those that needed a moment of relief...

217- Receiving a letter from a student that took the Jewish Roots class I taught a couple years ago. It was regarding the fact that she was raising money for a trip to Israel…and it said her life was changed because of my class and another one she took during her school.

218- Finding out that same week that another student from that class is also going to Israel.

219- Speakingofthatclass...Still hearing stories and even just watching the facebook updates from several of the students referencing concepts from those lessons...and knowing that they 'got it.'

220- Passover, a time to remember God's promise AND fulfillment of deliverance, freedom, and salvation...and seeing God do that in a tangible way today in my sister's life.

221- Having a friend let us invade her home and hosting a Passover Seder last night! LOVE celebrating it with people who never have done it before. And L-O-V-E watching them as they receive the life changing revelations of how AMAZING our God really is.

222- FINALLY getting to attend my first Seder that I wasn’t in charge of! In the last 15 yrs its somehow never worked out for me to attend someone else's Seder...until tonight!

223- Knowing that the friends who had their first Seder with me last year were hosting their very own Seder this year…also with mostly first-timers.

224- Getting a message on my facebook wall a few hours ago from one of the girls from my Jewish Roots class saying they hosted their first Passover Seder tonight.

225- The OBVIOUS reminders from God that I'm not a complete let-down-spastic-freak-of-a-teacher and should really let go of the insecurities and move on…

226- For Renee’ and Holly helping me with the series I’m now teaching at Church. I couldn’t do it without their wise input…and visual effects each Sunday.

227- For the SNOW that occurred the first Sunday I taught. I had prayed for it the night before…asking for a blizzard as a joke…but truly wanting it to a little, even though I knew there wasn’t a chance it would happen. Snow is one of the weapons of God and can be a sign that He’s fighting for you. And “out of the blue”…snow actually happened!!!!

AND...even though these may seem like repeats...it just doesn't get old and each time truly is a gift...

228- Watching someone stepping out into their God-given gifts.

229- Being used by God to release people into their callings...and watching them make those first steps....

230- and for my Selah Tuesday Nights…because I just can’t stop counting those sweet nights as a precious gift from God.

Every good and perfect gift is from you, Father of Lights

To teach is to learn twice over. - Joseph Joubert

2011-04-13T20:57:00.001-06:00

I have a love hate relationship with teaching. The overall concept I adore. The part where it involves me…makes me want to throw up.

So how is it that I let myself get into these things?

OK really…if we’re hanging out…sittin…chillaxin, cause we’re cool like that, and you ask, “So Jenn, why do you think *this* happens?” I’m SO gonna answer you. If that involves a detailed answer…going all the way back to what really happened at The Fall…Imma gonna pull out a napkin and a pen and start mapping it for you without blinking an eye. If you say, “Jenn, what’s your favorite book of the Bible? I’m going to announce that it’s Ezekiel…which then leads to a 5 min lesson as to who and what Ezekiel is and did…cause no one EVER seems to know about him. Am I crazy cause I LOVE those moments and you know, arguably....THAT’S actually teaching? Peeerhaaaaps. BUT…put me in front of a group of people…and say- “Hey Jenn, teach on *this*”…and I shuuut doooooown.

Last year, my friend convinced me, at gunpoint, to teach an online class for her Ministry Training School. (ok, some of those details might have been slightly exaggerated) Did I enjoy it? Possibly. Was I in tears for hours upon hours and had a series of weekly breakdowns when it came time to do the teachings? That is plausible. Did some people love it and tell me their life was forever changed? Ok…actually, yes. Did some people immediately drop it because they thought I was a complete nut job? Actually…also yes. (ha!) Did I tell myself I’d never try to teach again because the stress was just too much to bear? Of. Course. But…did I somehow just get sucked into another venture, with or without pressure at gun point? Yeeepp. Are you wondering when I'm gonna stop asking questions and answering myself cause you can’t take it anymore? I’m sure of it.

So, several weeks ago…as I’m just hanging out in life, minding my own business…I get sucked in to doing a series…A SERIES at Church. Oy the insanity. (there IS more to this back story, but still...)

OK really. I AM loving the series. I do. It’s on the Names of God. (Jireh, Shammah, Shalom, etc) Who doesn’t adore that? But I’m also trying to help plan a giant Passover Seder for Sunday night. Know what stresses me out only slightly less than teaching? Dinner parties. So…a dinner party that involves teaching…ummmmmm ya. BRIL-LIANT timing.

Unfortunately…with this much pressure…what happens? My mind gives up. It really just stops working. It’s HIGHLY annoying. I can’t make a decision to save my life right now. I can’t figure out the details to pull the Seder together…I can’t figure out the specific direction to go for this upcoming Sunday...I can’t figure out where to hang my FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC light I just made. (blog to come as soon as it’s hung!) I do usually work well under pressure. But there’s this level that causes my mind to *TILT* and…now I’m just babbling on a blog with really no point at all. And you people just had to endure it. That’s SO mean of me! Sorry 'bout ya.

And I'm SO not here fishing for compliments or anything like that. Really...I just thought maybe a goofy little post would clear my cluttered little mind and I'd suddenly be able to prepare the next LIFE CHANGING lesson. Or figure out where I'm gonna get tables and chairs for Passover. Or at least were to hang my fabulous lantern creation. Here's to hope...

Update:
it worked...

you really didn't think I WASN'T going to share my opinion, did you?

2011-04-08T13:01:00.000-06:00

So it’s been the most controversial subject in the Christian world the last couple months…so you KNOW I have to say SOMETHING.

Rob Bell- Love Wins.

Yep.

Ok first off…I have NOT read the book. Therefore I’m not really going to give my opinion, like so many have, about the book. I WANT to read it…it’s just not on my unemployed-self’s financial priority list. (anyone have a copy I can borrow??)

But I have been absolutely fascinated with the controversy that has whirlwinded itself around its release. Obviously, the first being John Piper’s tweet…in which he (without reading the book, mind you) just announced Farewell Rob Bell. Well, actually, he TRIED to use Bell’s twitter name…but didn’t research enough (seeing a trend?) to even get that straight and called out some other man named Rob Bell. Oops. Now...just the fact alone that Piper has a problem with it makes me want to love it. Cause I tend to very strongly dislike Piper’s anti-Israel anti-women self. But...that’s for another post… And I did decide liking it just cause Piper hates it is obviously a pretty shallow stance.

I just can’t believe our panties have gotten in such a wad over this book. Is it really THAT ludicrous that someone can come out and challenge our beliefs?? Get a grip, people.

Here’s the deal…without reading it…and I’m pretty sure even after I read it...I’m not going to be sure where I fully stand on the whole Hell thing. Cause…I’m sorry to inform you folks…but the MAJORITY of our “Christian theologies” are not 100% based on Biblical facts. Most are theories that our Early Church Fathers came up with…and are now forever indoctrinated into our beliefs as Biblical Truth. SOME of our beliefs (especially in the Charismatic world) were formed even as late as the 1950-60’s. Yet…we’d fight to our death to defend these traditions. Course, we get ticked when someone uses the word ‘tradition’…because we don’t like to admit that’s what we’re following...but....uuuuhhhh....sorryboutya.

Now, it DOES mess with your head when these challenges to our faith come up. But it shouldn’t tear us down…it should only make us crack open our Bibles and see, without pre-conceived theories/thoughts what the verses are TRULY saying. Why is that a bad response??? So someone out there says there isn’t a Heaven. Ok…don’t get crazy. Just get your Bible…and start looking up the verses about Heaven…and see what it says. Not what your denomination says…not just immediately spouting off, or even getting twisted up in your own head, what you’ve been taught from the pulpit week after week… Research what and why the other person is saying what they say....figure out the hard, pure facts of the Bible…and figure out YOUR true stance and the why and how to defend it.

So the subject of the book, Love Wins…the subject of Hell. I. don’t. know. I’ve heard many things come up recently that EASILY challenge our belief in Hell…based on what the Bible says…not tradition. And I’m going to openly admit that in light of these challenges, I haven’t taken the time to research it, for myself, to see what the Bible TRULY says about the subject of Hell.

But I’m certainly not going to have the audacity to declare that Bell, or others like him, are heretics, or even Universalists, because they are questioning Church TRADITIONS. Good for him for doing so.

And I’m also not going to be quick to say that God’s love isn’t big enough, vast enough, covers enough, to save and rescue ALL people from the depths of Hell.

AND…I’m also not going to be quick to jump on the bandwagon that Hell ISN'T a consequence for people who don’t choose Him.

But I am going to research it for myself. And until I find the answers...I'm not saying which way I stand...and I'm certainly not going to start saying who's right and who's wrong on the subject, like so many have done against Bell.

So those are my 2 cents to add to the blog world of abounding opinions on this subject. I just really think that we shouldn’t get in such a tizzy when our beliefs our challenged…and instead become more secure and founded in those beliefs, because WE research those things OURSELVES…and don’t just rely on what we’ve been raised and taught by others.

And I DO have to share some of my favorite links regarding Love Wins:

Blog by Donald Miller who had THE BEST take on the book

Blog by Greg Boyd (who DID read it before announcing judgment)

Blog by Rachel Evans who cleverly interviewed the OTHER Rob Bell that Piper called out

And lastly, but really, most importantly, a clip by the author himself...who really, just sums it all up best. (less than a minute long)

in which i just share some songs...

2011-03-17T21:17:00.004-06:00

I've tried forever to figure out how to embed a playlist into a post...and can't. So...I'm giving in and just using two YouTube videos. Not what I wanted, but it shall do. (unless of course there's a genius out there that can tell me how to do a playlist in a post and then I can change it.)

So it's no secret that I LOVE...and easily identify with music. I'm the girl that announces that every other song that's playing is my favorite. Cause...it's pretty much true. And I'm kinda convinced that pretty much every song out there was written just for me.

There's two songs in particular that truly does something for my Spirit and soul. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and unfunctional...when I'm in that place that I have so much I WANT to say to God...but just can't seem to find the words...I turn on these two songs and just put them on repeat. They can play for HOURS and occasionally...days. I don't know why these stick out to me more than others...but there's a definite soothness and healing it brings. And I just thought I'd share them with you today....

Both are from Vineyard and are sung by Kim McMechan.

Could I

Into Your Presence

L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O-V-E

2011-03-02T16:00:00.006-07:00

Don't just glance over these all to familiar words...stop...and pay attention...

Love is patient and love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not act unbecomingly. Love isn't selfish, demanding its own way. It is not irritable or quick tempered. Love keeps no record of being wronged. Love does not rejoice about injustice or unrighteousness but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up. Love never loses faith. Love is always hopeful, always supportive, and love endures through every circumstance.

I love 1 Corinthians 13. Love. I love the love chapter. It has gotten me through so many issues and seasons. I've read it countless times. I've looked up each word in the Greek to see what the deeper meaning was behind the words. I've prayed it over and over and over again.

When I was sorting through the differences between my earthly Father and my Abba, Father...I would read this chapter over and over replacing the word 'love' with 'My Father God'...and it brought great healing to my soul.

In the midst of a precious relationship falling apart in a harsh and painful way, God had me pray this everyday. It was my lifeline. It kept me from being bitter and resentful and refusing reconciliation.

Recently, I was reading a book that talked about love...and it reminded of another exercise I have occasionally done in the past (and had forgotten about it, honestly)...but this time...it struck me to a new depth.

Read the passage again....but replace 'love' with your name.
'Jennifer is patient....Jennifer is kind...."

For me, there is truth to those statements...but there isn't NEAR the standard that there needs to be. And my heart was deeply grieved by this.

How different would we be if 1 Corinthians 13 was slapped up everywhere...constantly in our face...and we truly embraced the standard for which it is calling for.

How would our attitudes as individuals and as a corporate body be different toward one another (Love isn't selfish, demanding its own way)...toward sinners (Love never loses faith, never gives up)...toward the hard to love (Love is not irritable)...toward homosexuals (Love is always supportive)...toward the ones that hurt us (Love keeps no record of being wronged)...toward the religious (Love is patient and love is kind)...toward our President (Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not act unbecomingly)...towards ourselves. (Love is ___)

I challenge you to stop and examine yourself. Does your life line up with the standard God is calling for? Are you walking out love in the way it should be walked out??

"If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge? What if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others. What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? I would gain nothing, unless I loved others."

just a babbling post...

2011-02-23T13:11:00.001-07:00

We interrupt this blog with an important and exclusive announcement…

My computer semi sorta went all funky-like and kinda crash-ed. This is ALL sorts of unfun, let me tell you.

SO…although I have more posts written regarding Worthship...I can’t currently access them. In fact I can’t access ANY of my stuff…no documents…no pictures…NO MUSIC. Oy vey it’s painful.

I plan on just sitting down and rewriting the posts. But then the fear of the 2nd drafts not being as good as the firsts paralyzes me. I know...I am ever so slightly completely ridiculous. But I do plan on trying to work through my issues.

I am having quite the love/hate relationship with technology lately. I can't quite figure out if it's helping us or hindering us. We tend to rely on gps so much that I'm losing my ability to just 'feel' my way around...something I use to be really good at...even in new cities. Now, if there's too many clouds or whatever and gps isn't playing nice..I suddenly can't figure out how to get to my next destination...even if I've been there before. Do you know what I mean? I'm thinking I need to find a better balance in this area.

But really...and most importantly…I need my computer functional again!!!! Who can come fix my precious baby Toshiba and nurse it back to health???

Worthship ........... (part 1)

2011-01-15T17:26:00.007-07:00

We were created to worship.

And our Uncreated Creator is worthy of our worship.

He alone is worthy of our worship.

Worship does so many things...it is a powerful weapon...it brings healing to your spirit and soul...it creates unity in the body...it breaks down walls......it brings an answer to the questions in your heart...and even wins battles. (2 Chronicles 20) The list of the importance of worship is almost endless. And most importantly...worshiping God gets our eyes, our focus, off ourselves and puts it where it belongs…on God.

Because He is worthy.

When it comes to worshiping, the circumstances of our lives don’t matter. Our emotional state…whether or not we feel like it at the time...doesn’t matter. Our opinion on the style of the music that's playing doesn’t matter. If we’re bored because it seems to be going to long…that’s our problem.

Because He is worthy of our undying…unadulterated…unabashed worship.

And worship needs to be top priority of our life.

David got this. The Psalms are ALL about worship. He understood this so much, that even when he was in the depths of despair, and the Psalm would start off with a ‘woe is me’ attitude…by the end, his focus would change… he would stop his lamenting (and hello! he had some serious issues happening...you know...like being hunted down)...and he would glorify God. He would get his eyes off himself, off his problems…and put them on his Beloved, where they belonged…and praise would pour out of his heart.

John got this. John SAW this. I could talk about John and his example for hours...because he. got. this. The book of Revelations gets a bad wrap most of the time. It seems scary or impossible to understand because of the crazy imagery and end-time prophecies. But…here's the deal…Revelations is a book of WORSHIP. Go look at it again. See it from a perspective of worship, and you'll never look at that book the same way again. It reveals scene after scene of the Throne Room. John has a glimpse of the 24/7 worship that is happening around the throne...over and over again. Specifically, Revelations 4 is probably my most favorite chapter in the entire Bible. I’ve read it countless times. If you don’t know how...or where to begin in worship…or if you have a hard time focusing…just open up to Rev 4. Put yourself in John's shoes...picture the throne room…imagine seeing the 24 elders and Living Beings in constant worship….and you can’t help but want to join in with them. Hanging out in Rev 4 will shift the entire paradigm of your life.

Worship should be your lifestyle....not just a 30 minute music set on Sunday mornings. That doesn’t mean you have to have worship music playing 24/7. It doesn’t mean you have to walk around like a monk humming or chanting all the time. It just means that you purpose in your heart to glorify the Sovereign One.......To pay attention to what is around you...His creation...the nature...the people...and letting it point your gaze towards heaven to the one who made those things........To be certain the rocks don’t have to cry out because you are neglecting the very thing you were created to do....

And that is to worship.

Because "the end of all being is NOT the happiness of man. The end of all being…is to bring glory to God." (Kip Gaines)

So purpose in your heart to make worship a priority. Learn how to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. (Psalms 27) Make God your Magnificent Obsession.

Because He is worthy.

**I stole the title of my blog from the title of a sermon by my pretty-much-pure-genius-friend Paul Nunn...and he apparently stole it from one of his friends…who possibly stole it from somewhere else. (Fyi, Paul is part of the band Two of Twelve and EVERYone should own this cd…for multiple reasons, but mainly because they are truly fantasmic...AND they truly get the importance of worshiping our Creator)

an appreciation of words

2011-01-11T14:32:00.010-07:00

I Love Words. I even love decorating with words. Words have power. Words give expression and significance. Words declare life or death.

And I think, especially with the English language…we often forget the importance of our words.

I’m telling you…just start carrying a small dictionary around with you (I look up words on the internet too…but for some reason I like the definitions more in my dictionary)…look up the words you use everyday…and you will be stunned to see and grasp their full meaning. Just doing this in your quiet time with God will completely revolutionize those moments. Look up the “average” words in the verses you're reading…look up the words you hear God whispering to you. I promise, a whole new world will open up to you.

I started doing this several years ago. I was mostly just looking up words during my quiet times and I loved the new revelations that would unfold. Then, one day, a friend of mine sent me an email telling me that God has really placed me on her heart that day and she had been praying for me. She said- “God wants you to know that He really appreciates you, Jenn.” I thought the email was precious…everyone loves the reminder that God sees you. But, I’m not going to lie…I thought…appreciate? Really, God…that’s the best you can do? Appreciate seemed so hum-drum…so…average. Deep inside I was disappointed He didn’t say something more…something about being His beloved…the apple of His eye…you know…something with a little more flair.

Later that day she wrote me again. She said…“I don’t know what’s going on…but I can’t stop thinking about you. God just wants to tell you again…that He REALLY appreciates you.”

Well…ok, I’m highly dense at times…but I was getting the picture that I was obviously missing something. So I went home and immediately grabbed my dictionary and looked up the word Appreciate.

And the definition said this… “to know and recognize the full value of”.

God was telling me that He saw the full value of who I was.

I can’t even begin to explain how much I needed to hear that.

And I’ve never used the word appreciate in the same way since.

So…it’s January. New year…new season…new beginning. And for those paying attention…last year we started my most favorite concept EVER.

It was based on the My One Word campaign…Which I also love…and think everyone should do this. But then we took it a step further. Don’t just find a word to define your year…more importantly…find a characteristic…an aspect of God that He wants to reveal to you in 2011.

My one word for 2011 is this: Purpose. (ok…actually…God gave me 3 words…Purpose…Focus…Devotion)

And here’s the weirdness. I loved my characteristic last year…and was really excited to see what God had in mind for this next year. So I started praying in December…and guess what…

It’s not changing. There’s something more He apparently wants to reveal…and I love it! (well...after talking to Him LOTS about it cause I wasn’t too excited in the beginning)

So my characteristic of God remains this: Portion.

I LOVED knowing the words God gave others last year…and seeing how significant they were to their lives throughout the year. And I can’t wait to see what unfolds this year. So make sure you leave a comment and let me know...even if you have to think and pray a while and get back to me.

(Wanna great resource of a list of God's names/characteristics/attributes?...here)

Raindrops on roses....

2011-01-04T12:58:00.002-07:00

Hellllloooo 2011…it’s so nice to see you.

I think.

Before I can focus on the new year…I decided to have one last recap of last year…just a few highlights of some favorites moments of 2010...

Favorite Reunion- My bff FINALLY moved to CO! This was YEARS in the hopeful-maybe-planning and then took months and months in the ok-it’s-gonna-happen-practical-planning. But she finally drove her u-haul into the city...at the literal exact moment a snow storm hit. She then only made it half way through town before getting stuck and needing rescued…and the adventures haven’t stopped. I’m SOOO happy she’s here…and I’ve now diligently turned my efforts to the next person on my list that needs to relocate… (mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

Favorite book I read: OK…this is controversial (surprise!)…but I’m announcing it anyways. My friend from Down Under gave me Miracle Workers, Reformers, and the New Mystics by John Crowder…and I LOVE LOVE LOVE-D this book. I read it BEFORE I saw any controversy…so my opinion was not influenced by that. (maybe yours shouldn’t be either) I will say, that there were definitely parts that I thought the author was crazy…and would be reading it with the skeptical look out of the corner of my eyes, holding it at arms length away from me. BUT…there were also parts that were so unbelievably amazing…and so right on…that I wanted to stand up on chairs and shout it out to everyone walking by. I thought it was fabulous…challenging…and extremely inspiring.

Favorite day of the week- Tuesday’s. Still. If you don’t know why…you obviously pay no attention to me. Ever. Selah Tuesdays is still by far my most favoritest thing in the world. A group joined together by prayer, fasting, and seeking the heart of God. A safe place to connect with God and step out in the gifts He has put inside us. I could list dozens and dozens of favorite moments from these nights alone. And I hope there will still be many more to come…

Favorite visit from an Australian clown- I should have written posts and posts about Belinda’s visit…but I’m such a slacker. B was on the staff of my YWAM school in Norway back in the day...and with the fabulousness of the internet, we’ve stayed in touch over the years.

I loved traveling with her along the top of the world during Outreach. (this is a pic of us (and Chuck, the traveling duck) at the North Cape…a.k.a- The Ends of the Earth...I'm pretty sure this pic was taken close to midnight) She has THE greatest sense of adventure of anyone I’ve ever known…along with a generous giving Spirit…fantastic sense of humor…and a very tender heart toward God.
PLUS, she can keep me me informed how any given day is going...since she starts it so many hours before us. I like to be prepared for what's coming, you know.
AAANNND…she really WAS part of an Australian circus…so it is never a dull moment. You just never know what item around you is going to be suddenly balanced on her chin! My bff’s son was MES-MOR-IZED by her tricks and is still practicing with the juggling balls she taught him to make.

Favorite new secular music- Adele. And not just because we share a name...which we do. But I overwhelmingly LOOOOOVE her voice. Love love love.
Love.
Just sayin.

Favorite 'Bizarro World' week- So this is kinda hard to adequately explain without mass amounts of details…but in August/September there was a week or so of people from my past popping up…and ones that I finally met after YEARS of being told I needed to know them. And not just random connections…but like, people who have had (or could have) a significant impact on my life. I was sure I was being set up for a This is Your Life! reality show. And I’m still trying to figure out what it’s all about…

Favorite hobby- decorating blogs! I technically started perusing décor blogs long before 2010...but this year it’s become a new obsession. Plus…I’m actually attempting some of the ideas. I stink at being spontaneously creative, or coming up with ideas on my own…but I’m pretty darn good at re-creating anything. It’s a fantastic stress reliever…although it’s easy to get sucked in and waste too much time following the bunny trails of blogs.

OK….I know. Random list, eh? There was much more fantasticness that occurred in 2010…I was just trying to think of the main ones that I was gonna write about and never did. Well, there's still that dress up bday party I haven't posted about...but that required to many pictures for this post...oh...and a freaking fantastic bday gift from 2009 that has quite the story behind it that I keep putting off blogging about. OY! First 2011 Resolution...be a more faithful blogger! (didn't I say that last year?? dang it!)

So what were your 2010 favorites? I'd love to know...via your own blogs...or comments here...true story.

closing out 2010 with some thankfulness...

2010-12-30T18:26:00.006-07:00

So I know I've been seriously behind in my list of 1000 gifts. But although I wasn't doing very well in the stopping and writing down...I do have to say that even just starting the list has made me more conscientious of my gifts in general. And then it seemed like the end of the year was a fitting moment to pause once again and put them down on paper.

196- Finally owning a kitchen table! (and matching buffet) I didn’t bring my table to CO with me when I moved years ago…and kept putting off getting a new one. (I couldn’t decided to go with vintage or modern) I ended up buying a friend’s antique table she was selling. (her grandparents bought it in the 1920’s) I recovered the chairs. 5 so far, plus one needing repaired. And I like purposed nonsymetricalness...so 3 of them are in the colored paisley...2 are in the black (which is textured paisley) and then just the one stripped. I LOVE love love it! I was going to make an entire post about it, but never did. Plus, I decided owning a table makes me an official grown up. Yay me!

197- The new friends and connections I’ve made this year.

198- Being laid off from my job. I know that sounds kinda crazy…but the stress level and burden that was immediately lifted was almost physically tangible.

199- This time of unemployment. Yes, financial stress is an issue…but I also know this time I have is a precious gift.

200- Receiving Unemployment Benefits. It doesn’t quite make me functional…but is obviously a tremendous blessing when it comes to paying rent.

201- The many visits of my sister (who needs to hurry and just move here)

202- Friends who have helped me get around since my car isn’t working.

203- Watching the amazing circle of a friend embracing the life God has for her…and now is turning around and helping show other’s their path...

204- New people coming to the Selah Tuesday night group…my most favorite place to be every week.

205- Reuniting with a friend after letting 6 mos slip by without seeing each other because of busy lives...and making concentrated efforts to schedule specific times when we’ll see each other next.

206- Celebrating Hanukkah with newbies. I LOVE celebrating holidays with people who never have before.

207- All the fabulous time I’ve been able to spend with my niece this year.
She’s so much like me it’s scary...and fabulous. I’ve loved the connection we’re forming and the heart to heart conversations I can have with her cause I get what's truly going on in that head of hers. We are kindred spirits through and through...exact personalities...sense of humor...obsession with accessories...flair for drama...and several pairs of matching shoes.

208- The divine reconnection with my old YWAM leaders…and the new possibilities the future may hold because of it.

209- The last 10 days of almost complete solitude with God. Roommates were out of town, no car to go anywhere, on a social network fast, very little tv…it was beautifully refreshing.

210- Sharing intimate prayers with friends

211- God’s refining fire…which seems to be the season I am in…and embracing, despite the extreme uncomfortableness. (cue the music to my current anthem...Misty Edward's Fling Wide…)

I hope everyone that's started their lists are still continuing them............and if you haven't started yours yet...2011 is the perfect time....

Every good and perfect gift is from you, Father of Lights

onething 2010

2010-12-28T16:31:00.001-07:00

Don’t you love it when God shows you that you’re not always a complete nut job??

onething 2010 started today in Kansas City. It’s a conference through IHOP (the prayer place…not pancake place). And sadly…I’m not there…but, I am watching it via the webstream.

Corey Russell just finished speaking. I freakin heart Corey. If I had to pick just one speaker to listen to for the rest of my life…it would be Corey. He's passionate...he stirs you up...steps on your toes...and makes you want to get closer to God.

His message that started off the conference……WAKE UP! Shake off the slumber….shake off the laziness…and WAKE UP.

Pretty much everything he said was what I wished I could have so eloquently written in my last post. But, bottom line…it was confirmation that this issue is stirring on the heart of God.

If you can...you should watch onething online the next few days. And they should have the archive videos up soon and you’ll be able to watch Corey’s message…or any of the ones you miss live.

Here's the link: onething 2010

Awake, awake, oh warrior

2010-12-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

I decided that instead of blogging about all the issues I’ve been pondering for the last several months…I’ll spare ya’ll the trudgerey of several more posts. (yes, I like to make up words)

Instead I’ll just share one more about what’s been on my heart.

For the past several months, I’ve mainly just sat back and watched what’s going on around me…in my inner circles…in my social network circles…just even in society itself. And besides what I've already shared, He’s also been showing me how extremes of Religion and Apathy seem to be on the rise too. Now, I know that legalism and religion seem to be the same thing, and in most ways they are, but I do think there is a difference between them also.

Course…I’ve blogged countless times about the ridiculousness of religion and how it makes Christians miss the mark more times than we’d ever want to admit. But…I’m not going off about that…this time.

Instead…what’s really made me the most heart broken…is the apathy that is abounding in our society, and in Christianity. I despise apathy. Partly because…well… if you know anything about me (or can tell by reading my blog)…you know that I’m a girl of PASSION. And passion and apathy do. not. mix. When it comes to apathy….I just don’t have much grace for it, really.

And yes…I get that not all people reach my level of…enthusiasm about most things. That’s not the issue. I know people’s passions look different...different subjects, different levels, different expressions. That’s not what this is about. The issue is that apathy (and religion!) lock up people…paralyzes them…stops them in their tracks…and keeps people from embracing and moving into the things God has in store for them. It keeps them from connecting intimately with the heart of God. And that is the issue that breaks my heart.

Now, one of the things I happen to be passionate about is seeing people fulfill their destinies. This includes whatever Calling God may have for them…and it includes their relationship and connection with the Almighty Creator. I get completely overwhelmed whenever God lets me be involved…big or small...directly or indirectly…with people stepping out into what God has for them. Getting to watch someone moving forward in their calling…connecting with God in a new way…or using one of the gifts God has placed inside of them, brings me to tears every time. It is a beautiful thing to behold…and I don’t think there’s much else on this earth that can compare.

So to watch people caught up in religion or apathy drives me insane. It takes everything in me to show restraint and not literally walk up to them, start shaking them and telling them to snap out of it. I hate watching them being robbed of their destiny because they’re not willing to step out of their comfort zones and run after God. Apathy is a disgusting, destructive device that keeps people from their Calling…from knowing the breadth and length and height and depth of an intimate relationship with God...from fighting for what rightfully belongs to them.

Why fight the apathy? Because for no other reason than this...God is worth it.

He is worth your love.

He is worth your time.

He is worth your effort.

He is worth your devotion.

It. is. time, people. WAKE UP! Rise up the warrior’s heart within you and fight! It is a new year…a fresh start for you! It is time to put aside the past…put aside the doubts…the fears, and STEP OUT! Step out of your comfort zone. Step out of your preconceived box of who God is and what your relationship with Him should look like. Wake up out of your slumber! Your relationship with God is worth your time…it’s worth sacrifices...it’s worth your fight. Wake up…stand up…and grab a hold of what belongs to you.

(fyi...the number one strategy to fight the enemy that is causing apathy is Worship and Communion. THOSE are your greatest weapons in winning the battle that is trying to steal your warrior’s heart…)

Chan has left the building...

2010-12-25T20:53:00.005-07:00

Ok…so I know that I’m a little bit of a Debbie Downer when it comes to talking about the majority of the Church. Especially in light of my last post...and well...the ones that are about to come. Unfortunately, it's just what tends to happen when that’s what's constantly in your face. And well...it’s my blog…and I’ll cry if I want to.

BUT…get this...I actually read an article this week that restored at least a glimmer of my hope in Christianity. (and yes...I know...this is probably old news to most since he announced he was stepping down months ago...but new articles were posted this week)

Francis Chan, pastor of a mega-church, speaker, bestselling author, etc…suddenly stepped down and left the country.

AND….get this shocker………it has NOTHING to do with any type of scandal. *GASP!*

I know, I know. I braced myself for horrifyingness when I first heard he stepped down. Isn’t that a sad testimony in itself? BUT…it actually seems that Chan gets it…like…really really gets it.

This is my favorite quote from one of the articles I read… “Even in my own church I heard the words, ‘Francis Chan’ more than I heard the words, ‘Holy Spirit’,” he said. “I think there has been too much emphasis on me. I want to be used by God, but I think we have this desire to make heroes out of people rather than following God and the Holy Spirit.”

I think what he’s doing takes a lot of courage. And shows much character. I hope more Pastors take note and follow suit. Not necessarily stepping down and disappearing…but the aspect of TRULY prioritizing what God wants them to do...and doing it exactly how God's called them to do it.

And no worries Chanifans…he’s not disappearing forever.

You can read the whole article here...

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/22/%E2%80%9Cchristian-famous%E2%80%9D-pastor-quits-his-church-moves-to-asia/

P.S… I haven’t actually read his books yet, but I did recently get a copy of Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God and was planning on reading it soon. Who’s read it? Tell me what you think…

Truth = Stability*

2010-12-24T01:34:00.009-07:00

I know I’ve been quiet for quite some time. I have such a hard time trying to figure out how to effectively communicate what’s stirring in my head or heart…mainly because it’s several different issues…separate but intertwined…and I’m not sure how to effectively separate them to be able to blog about it all. So this is my first attempt. I’ve just been saddened and heartbroken over the things I continually see around me. I don’t remember what specifically triggered this burden…(it was actually a series of events)…but my Spirit has been stirring…and my heart has been heavy…and my head has been spinning.

Now, I know what I’m about to say is far from new…people everywhere are screaming out about it…entire blogs are dedicated to the subject…books top the best sellers list written by jaded Christians. But I just don’t. get. it…and I wonder if it will ever stop.

I’m just so tired of hearing or reading story after story of people being hurt by God’s idiotic followers. And by idiotic followers…I mean, quite sadly, the majority of The Church.

And I’m tired of the extremes that comes with it. The Bible says that Legalism and Lawlessness goes hand in hand. But it’s nauseating to watch. Story after story after story is out there…people who have been hurt by some legalistic standpoint of the Church…and swing to the extreme of walking away from God...or…those that don’t completely walk away, adopt an “anything goes” philosophy. Either one…is tragic…and scary.

Several weeks ago, I was watching videos of the “It Gets Better” campaign. Now…this was stirring up approximately 71204587674920 different issues in my Spirit…but for this subject…there was one particular video that put me over the edge. It was by Randy Robert Potts, grandson of Oral Roberts. The first part of the video made me weep and weep. He shares his story of being gay and being part of the Robert’s family. (I. Can’t. Imagine.) And I found myself being angry at Christians for failing once again. Then, as the video progressed, I became sick to my stomach. Because that extreme swing was so blatantly evident...the lawlessness was embraced. (for example, he states that "sex with someone you love is ALWAYS beautiful." That's a really risky extreme.) By the end I wished he could hear me screaming at my computer that his new message was just as crap…and just as dangerous. And I can’t seem to get him out of my mind…praying for him over and over again…that the balance of truth would prevail in his life.

Then again tonight…just as I thought I was moving on and wouldn’t be so consumed with this subject…I was reading a blog post about Mark Driscoll…and the hundreds of comments that resulted. Basically, Pastor Mark has some EXTREMELY old-fashioned views of women. He thinks that our only God-ordained purpose in life is to be married, popping out babies, and making sure dinner is on the table by the time your husband is home from work. (oy-see my restraint of containing this to just a paragraph explanation and not going on for HOURS about what’s wrong with that view) ANYWAYS…as I sat and read the comments…I was heartbroken all over again…I saw several women state that they’ve totally walked away from God because they couldn’t take the oppressiveness of women in Christianity. And again, I sat and cried for these strangers. Praying that they would find their way back to their Creator…and would find the balance in the truth they so desperately need.

(those were just two small, random examples of what I've been watching over and over again...)

For two thousand years, we have repeatedly twisted and profaned the heart of God…and as a result…the gap between God and the people He longs to have relationships with have grown further and further apart. AND…most tragically…we dare to do it in the name of Jesus. Our religion’s history just keeps repeating itself. We’ve done it to the Jews, women, the divorced, Democrats, unwed mothers, and homosexuals…just to name a few groups.

At what point do we really start to get it? At what point do we find the balance in our own lives, so that we can then find it corporately? Can we learn to find truth without having to swing from extreme to extreme? Can we just move to the center and stand firmly there instead?

My prayer is this:

~ that we find God’s stability in our own lives. That whatever our extremes are in our own lives, will come to the center...will come to the true truth. ~that in the journey to our stability…we will stop causing harm to those around us and pushing them further away from their promises. ~that our passion for truth and new revelations will not make us swing…but truly get and understand the Heart of God…so that we may walk it out...and effectively share it to the World around us.

*(education side note....did you know that many times in the Hebrew...Truth and Stability are the same word?? mmmmhhhhhmmmm...EXACTLY!)

Stupid is as stupid does

2010-12-16T13:22:00.001-07:00

So yesterday my friend Holly and I were out and about running errands. Our first stop was the fabulous Einstein Bagels. (shout out for the turkey bacon/sausage!) The only problem is that it's on the corner of a shopping center in a HIGHLY awkward traffic spot. The SMART thing to do is park way out in the lot and just walk up...and of course NOT park directly in front of the building to avoid having to back out in the middle of impossible and utter chaos. But...temptation abounded because there was an empty spot right by the door...and I felt momentarily brave...so I decided to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. But just as I was turning into the spot...all the consequences of my choices flashed through my brain, and I said, out loud-

"I'm probably REALLY stupid for doing this."

By the time I finished the sentence...I was in the spot............and Holly and I just burst into laughter...because this was directly in front of us...the confirmation I didn't really need:

Lesson learned.

Apparently it's NOT just about the Maccabees...

2010-12-03T00:51:00.002-07:00

Are you people lighting your menorahs??? CAUSE IT'S HANUKKAH baby!

Just in case you aren't aware of the pure fabulousness of this holiday, I wrote a post about it a couple of years ago... Here

AND...actually... I can share a new fun fact I learned last year celebrating with my fab friend Sarah ...a fan-freakin-tabulous Hanukkah story that is forever going to be part of my celebration! It's about the lovely heroine Judith. Now, there's debate about whether or not her story is true...course, there tends to be debate whether ANY story involving a Woman World Changer is true. Unless of course we turn her into a prostitute...then that somehow justifies her story. Oh, but I digress....
Ok...so, it is very probable that her story IS true...AND it's a story about a butt-kicking woman, very similar to that of Deborah and Jael (my personal favs)...AND...it's specifically regarding kicking the butts of the Assyrians. SO, incorporating her story with the Maccabees, pretty much makes Hanukkah all about defeating the Assyrians AND Greek influence...and well...just trust me, Judith is DEFINITELY my new favorite.

Ok. So Judith in a nutshell- It was during the second century B.C.E...when the Assyrians were large and in charge. Basically...they're about to invade, and Judith and her maid take off to their camp. (which is MUCH bravery right there, cause the Assyrians were the cruelest of the cruel to those they captured) So the general sees her, is instantly gaga over her cause she's apparently gorgeous and all that...and invites her back to his tent. So they go, she fills him up with wine and cheese till he's drunk as a skunk...and then takes a sword...and WHACK! Off with his head! Which then of course freaks out the army...the Israelites launch an attack...and victory is theirs!

SO...along with eating large amounts of fried foods, celebrating the miracle of the oil...you're also suppose to eat lots of dairy (especially cheese) and wine. Well, ok, I may have added the wine part myself. But the Mogen David and Manischewitz can barely count as wine, right?

So there you have it. My new addition to Hanukkah....that makes my heart happy.

The ORIGINAL purpose of this blog was JUST to post this video that made me laugh...but then, you know, I can never pass up a chance to tell a fantastic story about a world changing woman.

One Characteristic....revisted

2010-11-10T17:49:00.002-07:00

Hmmmm…I guess if you open up the communication a little bit…suddenly more wants to come pouring out. But trust me...the floodgate is still tightly closed…even if I do just let a momentary trickle out…

At the beginning of the year, I wrote a post about choosing one characteristic of God to concentrate on for the whole year.

My word was Portion. Honestly…I didn’t fully study my word like I had planned too. I’ve held onto the word itself, but there is a deeper aspect I know I have yet to grasp. I researched it for a moment…realized it was a bigger concept than I had ever thought…and continually put off the study as the year snuck by. And now it’s November, and in the last several months, it has become even more evident as to why God told me that Portion was my word for 2010…but I know there is more. More He wants to share...more He wants me to know...a lifelong principle He wants me to be able to firmly stand on.
So with only 2 months left...I will press in, not letting it be stolen, not forgetting, putting off, or allowing the treasure to slip through my fingers.

Do you remember your word? Were there new revelations, new principles, new truths that you found for your life? Or has it slipped by? Is your promise being stolen?

My prayer for you...is that in these last two months...the characteristic that God gave you becomes more evident...more real...that it brings an answer to a question in your heart...and most importantly, brings you closer and more intimate with your Creator.

Momma always said....

2010-11-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long silence.

My mind has been spinning.....my heart has been heavy....my emotions have been excessive.

I have lots to say....but for a little longer, I'll remain silent.

...cause like my Momma always said..."If you can't say something nice... then don't say nothing at all"....

Well that's cool baby...you know how it is...rockin' & rollin' & what not...

2010-09-12T21:08:00.004-06:00

I’m pretty sure you’ve all been perplexed and consumed with wonder trying to figure out why in the world you haven’t heard about one of our fabulous and infamous dress-up parties in a ridiculously long time.

I know...we were tragically slacking in that area. And we were fully aware we were slacking...but just couldn't get out of our slump.

But have no fear...cause we are BACK! And not with just one...but TWO dress-up parties…in TWO weeks. We’re making up for lost time people! And one was completely spontaneous! Now THAT'S fantastical.

I’ll post pics of both…but cause I like to be different I’ll go in reverse order.

So…the other day, my bff Holly, Renee’ (who is ultimately responsible for all the dressing up madness), and I were doing some errands for the church. On the way home we were just blah blah blahing about plans for that night…everyone was kinda just gonna do their own thing. Movies were mentioned…but ones at the dollar theater- which…hello!...is SO ghe-tto! And not even Lubbock-dollar-movie-ghetto…but a whole other realm of ghettoness here. Apparently our dollar theater went to a condemned junior high auditorium and stole all their seating. I’m telling you…those chairs are THE most uncomfortable things in the universe. Jenn don’t do no Springs Dollar Theater.

So out of random curiosity I pulled out my phone to look at what was playing at a real theater. I saw one that made me laugh…so of course I had to share so the other’s could laugh along with me while we thought about a real plan.

“There's a Grease- Sing-a-Long playing at 8”, I say.

Soooooooo....let’s just say….that in less than 10 minutes….an entire plan developed…texts went out...and tickets were bought. The Plan: To run home…dress up in 50's clothes…meet at a 50's diner for dinner…and go see Grease so we could sing-a-long at the top of our lungs.

Best part of the plan…is that because we’re such crazy party dress-up fanatics…I COULD pull together an outfit in less than 30 minutes and run back out the door.

Here we are outside of Gunther Toody's

We THOUGHT it may end up just being us in the theater....but eventually more people came in...

Notice the R on my letter jacket??? Ya...we made that...(well, Renee' made that for me) for our last party...and yes...it was purposefully for Rydell High. See how prepared we are?

Kris wasn't in the dress-up mood...but came along for the festivities...and had SO much fun...can't you tell????

It was a freaking blast. We were of course the only ones in the theater dressed up...but we heard people say they wished they HAD dressed up cause they had wanted to but didn't. Tsk...we really should have cards with our contact info to hand out to people who want to be our friends.

L'Shana Tova!

2010-09-09T22:53:00.001-06:00

Here I am…once again...apologizing for the blog absence. I was viciously attacked by a wave of ridiculousness and feeling overwhelmingly inadequate in my writing. It was brought on while trying to write some non-blog stuff...I was fully shut down in all things scribed…and so was avoiding the blog world too.

But...nothing like a new beginning to wake me up.

No…I don’t have a new job yet.

It’s a better new beginning than that.

It’s a God-ordained…God-declared…God-inspired…new beginning.

Numbers 29:1 ‘On the first day of the seventh month hold a sacred assembly and do no regular work. It is a day for you to sound the trumpets.’

Happy New Year everyone! Rosh Hashanah is upon us…and the year 5771 has begun!

Yes…it may seem a little weird to declare a New Year on the first day of the seventh month…BUT…it’s really considered more of a Spiritual New Year. And who wouldn't want to be part of that?

I deeply love Rosh Hashanah. It’s probably my most favorite. (Ya…still pretty sure I say that about every holiday)

It’s the Feast of Trumpets, the time when the Shofar is sounded. And I looOOoove the sound of the shofar. I also think it’s one of the holidays I haven’t written about here…so I thought I’d do that today. (and hoping it solves my writing issue maybe)

Rosh Hashanah begins the season of The High Holy Days...which ends with Yom Kippur ten days later. It’s a joyful, yet serious time of celebration. I LOVE attending Rosh Hashanah services. It’s the one holiday that I make a priority to celebrate AT a Synagogue. The concept of the holiday, the prayers that are prayed, the songs that are sung…is such a prophetic picture of the Messiah. I am brought to tears every year at some point in the service…touched by the heart of God.

In the natural, Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the new harvest season. It’s considered a time of regathering. In the spiritual, it’s a time of reflection. A time of repentance. It’s a season to look at your faith and your spiritual condition and pray about what needs to be changed. It’s a time of asking for forgiveness and to be cleansed from your sins. A time of asking God to write your name in the book of Life…before judgment is determined on Yom Kippur. (I’ll write about Yom Kippur next week) It’s a time to look forward to the coming of Messiah…bringing that final declaration of deliverance and redemption.

It’s the time when the Shofar is sounded. The blowing of the shofar represents so many things. It’s a call to repentance. It’s used to gather the troops together for battle. And it was used in the ancient times…to hail the King.

Hmmmmm. Did you catch all that? That is the Jewish perspective of Rosh Hashanah. Those are the things they focus on as they celebrate the holiday God ordained for all of us. As Christians, it should be easy to see the significance of the festival. And if you really stop and think about it…it will put the return of Jesus into a whole new perspective too.

One of my favorite prayers is recited during the High Holy Days. It’s Avinu Malkeinu. That means, “Our Father, Our King”. The prayer can vary depending on the transliteration…but here’s the basic concept…

Our Father, Our King…Hear our prayer
Our Father, Our King…We have sinned before Thee
Our Father, Our King…Have compassion upon us & upon our children
Our Father, Our King…Help us bring an end to pestilence, war, & famine
Our Father, Our King…Cause all hate & oppression to vanish from the earth
Our Father, Our King…Inscribe us in the Book Of Life
Our Father, Our King…Let the new year be a good year for us

Our Father...Our King…an instrumental focus of the holiday. Another piece of the foundation God established and set into place from the beginning of time. His strategic, encompassing timeline never ceases to completely amaze me.

Again…this was just a bare-boned-basic picture. The depth and richness of the High Holy days is so very much more than what I could have possibly explained here. And you should definitely start searching out those pieces of His treasure for yourself.

So get your apples and dip them in honey and declare that you’ll have a sweet new year…and greet each other with L’Shanah Tovah! (Have a good new year!)

surely stable and fully secure

2010-08-10T16:18:00.002-06:00

Life seems to be spinning out of control for so many people, lately. Well, maybe that is too harsh of a phrase…but it does seem like so many around me are being hit with sudden changes that are outside their control. And, by human nature, the initial reaction is easily fear…insecurity…worry…anxiety…etc.

I totally used to react that way. Change would shut. me. down. Completely paralyze me. Especially back in my late teens/early 20s when life seemed the most out of control in general…AND I seemed to move homes constantly. I would get to my next house and unpack…placing everything exactly where it was in the house before. Course, it’s pretty much in my genetics to rearrange furniture CONSTANTLY (“turn the walls” as my family calls it)…my bedroom growing up looked different on a monthly basis. But during this particular time of life, that all stopped…my furniture, my décor on my walls, bookshelves, etc-would be placed exactly the same way with each new move. I never felt a sense of stability…and it came through in the fact that if my house looked the same...it offered at least a small amount of stableness to me. About the age of 22ish…God starting healing my heart in that area and I slowly starting letting go of that creepy concept…in itty bitty tiny baby steps.

Then in 2001, when I did my 3^rd YWAM school…that all drastically changed. I heard a teaching that radically and forever changed my life. I’ve mentioned it in small ways before…and I won’t be able to fully explain in now…but in light of the world seemingly spinning chaotically around us…I felt the need to share the bare bone basic concept…and I hope that you take it in your heart…and grab hold of the promise that is yours.

It’s ALL about the New Birth. (cause really, everything is) Here’s the basic low down: in Genesis 1…perfection abounded. Then...the Fall happened…and we lost the perfection. So Jesus came…and through the Cross…gave us the New Birth and Salvation. (and what does Salvation mean, people?? - Health, Victory, Defended, Prosperity, Safety, Deliverance, etc, etc…look it up! Those things BELONG to you!)

Jesus took us BACK to perfection…back to Genesis 1. The Curse no longer applies to us. Genesis 1 states that we are created in the image of God. And what does that mean? It means that HIS attributes are OUR attributes. (ok, not the God-stuff like omniscient, omnipotent, etc…but the non-God stuff) THAT MEANS…if God is slow to anger…I AM slow to anger. If God is quick to love…I AM quick to love...

God is stable…therefore….I AM STABLE. God is secure…therefore I AM SECURE. It doesn’t matter what happens around me. It doesn’t matter if it seems like I can’t control the circumstances around me…I AM STABLE. I AM secure. I AM steadfast….because I was created in the image of God…and those things belong to me.

The character of God is unchanging. It’s one of the extremely few things you can FULLY put your trust in. No matter what’s happening…you can always find an aspect of the character of God to cling too regarding that issue. One of my favorite teachers constantly says this “Circumstances are real…but they are NOT truth. Emotions are real…but they are NOT truth.” (again-grasping those tiny concepts ROCKED my world) GOD is Truth. His character IS Truth.

So whatever is happening around you…especially those things that make you feel like you’re out of control…according to the New Birth…stability belongs to you. Security is part of your DNA. Stand fast. Rest assured. Because your Absolute is in Him….the one who's image you were beautifully…fearfully…and wonderfully made to reflect.

it's the journey...not the destination...

2010-08-01T20:14:00.006-06:00

Sooooooooooo…a new journey has begun in my life. I have no idea what lies ahead…I have no idea when and how it’s going to happen…but the path has been opened and I have stepped out into the unknown.

Friday was my last day at work because I was laid off. Honestly, as I’ve said to those around me, it is a very bitter sweet moment. I managed a Sponsorship Department for a ministry that sponsored children’s education in a third world nation. I accomplished A LOT in the 2+ years I was there…and I am proud of what I was able to do. But the battle to figure out how to implement changes in areas I had no control over was becoming too much to bear. Plus, there was the fact that the job required constant attention to itty bitty details. The tiniest missed issue caused a chain reaction of mass casualties. Now...I’m a girl who’s gifted in seeing the big picture…and being able to figure out how to connect the dots and make the paths that need to happen. I can SEE and figure out the details…but I despise DOING the details. Unfortunately, my coworkers weren’t fans of the details either, but as the manager, it landed on my shoulders to constantly take care of. Plus...even the culture we were working with was FAR from a culture of details. (there's not even a consistency in the birthdays, names, or even basic spelling) It really took so much out of me...that I wasn’t even myself while I was there…instead I was mostly quiet and introverted because my mind was constantly spinning and I was spending all my energy fixing problems and trying to make things better. Even after hours I was consumed with trying to figure out better ways to do things…and fighting overwhelming discouragement when I’d realize the answers were completely out of my control and would never happen. The day I was called in and told they would have to lay me off…I had actually sat in my car for over 10 minutes that morning just trying to psyche myself up to go in. So when they told me that afternoon…immediately I felt relief…but then also anxiety. Not just for the financial issues…but because the only reason I hadn’t left...was because I didn’t know how to let go when I knew there would be no one there to pick up the detailed pieces I had held together for so long. I couldn’t stand the thought of all my hard work unraveling if there wasn't someone new that could take it all on. I had always felt very blessed to be connected with the literal, world-changing people that were over the ministry. They want to make a difference in their native country…and I believed in them and wanted to help them achieve their goals. So I continued to hold on even when I barely had it in me to do so.

The last 2 weeks were a whirlwind of craziness as I tried to wrap up everything enough to hand over to my co-workers. I don’t really struggle with false-guilt…but false-responsibility is a whole other issue. It was a battle to let go of the feelings that would rise up knowing the burden the others were going to have to pick up. At one point, the concept of filing cabinet labels sent me into a tailspin of uncontrollable tears. I was WELL aware of the ridiculousness of the specific concept…but it was the bigger picture it represented...and my heart broke because of it. The ministry will forever be in my heart and prayers. I truly hope they find a way to pick back up from the donations and sponsorships that have dwindled in this economy.

Sooooooooo…now…along with several other areas of life…I’m in the fun place of transition. I’m truly and totally at peace. Praise God that change…transition…and the unknown...stopped being an issue for me years ago. I’m stable and secure in God, my Rock. I have NO idea what lies ahead. I am staying here in the Springs…that’s all I know. So ummmmm hey…..anyone out there with some connections…come on and hook a sista up!

On a random side note…blogs are going to be more annoying to post. Something weirdy happens when I type something into Word and try to copy/paste it onto the net. All this html code craziness occurs and I have to spend about 20 minutes deleting and fixing it. So I’d write my posts…and then wait till I got to work and post them from my computer there. It started whenever I switched to Mozilla. Just curious if anyone knew why the heck this happens??

surprise refreshing

2010-07-24T23:40:00.006-06:00

My amazingly precious friend Kelsey, is starting an internship at The Wall…which is a 24/7 House of Prayer that’s being established here in the Springs. Tonight she invited me and my friend to a little bbq they were having for their friends and family. On the way there, we were talking about how we missed those days of YWAM (Youth With a Mission)…and that feeling of starting a new school. Where you’re crazy nervous but excited…knowing that you really heard God (but still questioning if you might be crazy) and were in the right place…and instantly bonding with your group because you're on the exact same path together for that season.

YWAM…IHOP Internships (prayer place not pancake)…Master Commissions…etc,…are life changing moments. There’s something about separating yourself unto God…setting aside a season of your life to just stop and truly focus on God, and God alone. To allow yourself to get outside of your surroundings…outside the traditional mindset of the mainstream church…outside the box you’ve put God and your relationship with Him in. You are literally engaging with the Heart of God on a 24/7 basis with a community of people sharing the same heart's desire as you. You've left the distractions behind. Your perspective changes, your vocabulary changes, and most importantly, you change. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it. But those who have, are forever different.

We walked in tonight and started introducing ourselves and talking to the others. I was instantly in love…and could have stayed in the corner the entire night just observing and listening to the conversations around me. I loved listening to others share their heart about what they felt like God was...and is going to do...in their lives, in Colorado Springs, and in the world. Because they're engaged in the heart of God on such an intense level...it just pours out of them in everything they do...conversations, introductions, goodbyes. Even just the prayer before the meal made me teary because the passion and love for God was so completely evident that it couldn't help but being expressed even when stopping for a moment just to bless the food.

This week has been a hard one for me. I have felt God’s hand...His strength...and His peace over me through it all. But tonight…just being in the presence of these people that were totally sold out...completely consumed...and passionately in love with their Bridegroom brought such a refreshing to my Spirit, in ways I wasn’t even aware I needed. There's an awakening that happens in your Spirit when you're among this kind of community. It was like a watering of those dry places that have been dry for so long...I didn't even know it was an option for the dryness to be quenched.

It reminded me of one of my favorite Psalms.... #63:

1 O God, you are my God;

Earnestly, I search for you.

My soul thirsts for you;

my whole body longs for you

in this parched and weary land

where there is no water.

2 But I have seen you in your sanctuary

and gazed upon your power and glory.

3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;

how I praise you!

4 I will praise you as long as I live,

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.

I will praise you with songs of joy.

6 I lie awake thinking of you,

meditating on you through the night.

7 Because you are my helper,

I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

8 I cling to you;

your strong right hand holds me securely.

9 But those plotting to destroy me will come to ruin.

They will go down into the depths of the earth.

10 They will die by the sword and

become the food of jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God.

All who trust in him will praise him,

while liars will be silenced.

I’m so grateful that God watered those dry places tonight. His faithfulness and provision never cease to amaze me. And I’m so so SO excited for my friend as she begins her internship. She’s gonna be blogging her way through it if you wanna follow her! She's over at A Watchman's Blog (and she's listed under 'the princess warrior watchman' on my blogroll!)

(fyi- HeatherClark Band has a GREAT song of this Psalm...you really should all own the entire cd, Selah. They just sat down, opened Psalms and added notes to the verses. How can you not love that? Here's this song if you care)

trying once again...

2010-07-14T22:36:00.000-06:00

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo...remember one time...last summer I said this? 'possible summer goal'
...Which was basically me saying that I was wanting to do the Read the Bible in 90 Days Challenge for the summer.

Ya well...I failed. Miserably failed. Sad and pathetically....failed.

I started off strong. And my fantastic Aussie friend Belinda joined in with the challenge...and that helped keep me inspired so freakin much as I read her updates and comments from her friends that were doing it too.

And then...I got sick.

But I tried to catch up.

And then…I went on vacation.

But I tried to catch up….sorta.

And then I got overwhelmed…and then complacent…and then mad and frustrated at myself.

But then I got REINSPIRED and tried to finish Isaiah-Revelation in about 4 days.

Cause that’s how I roll.

And of course…

I failed miserably.

I’ve realized that it’s been a year now. And this summer’s challenge is going on…and my tiny little bookmark is still in the same place I left off in the challenge last year…

So I’m jumping back in! Maybe since I made it half way last year I’ll make it the rest of the way this summer. Maybe I can still count it as 90 days...with an ever so slight hiatus.

Ok now….come on people…who’s in with me???

raining fireworks

2010-07-09T09:42:00.004-06:00

Again…I’m just a big ole pile of excuses…but really…life has been insane, and blogging was the last thing on my mind. Ok, actually…that’s not true…blogging was on my mind CONSTANTLY…I just couldn’t ever seem to find the time to stop and write the 15 kajillion thoughts running through my mind this last month. They (ok...I don’t actually know who consists of the aforementioned ‘they’ but irregardless…) say the number one key to a successful blog is updating regularly and/or daily. Who are these people that can do that? That’s what I want to know. Do they not have real jobs? And if so, how do they pull this off...cause I want the secret! I’d love to be able to do nothing but sit around blogging my thoughts…events…theories in life. Jonathan Acuff (Stuff Christians Like) seems to have a real job…and a newly published book. How does he still find the time to blog every day? Course, Matthew Paul Turner (Jesusneedsnewpr) doesn’t seem to have a job and just sits around all day blogging and looking for cheesy pictures of Jesus to ridicule. I want that gig. Ok, not really…but I do want to at least find a way to make time to pull off my own gig. Cause I got things to say to you people! LOTS of things. For goodness sakes.

So I will start with at least this for a catch up…this week was the 4th of July…and it is definitely in my top 5 most favorite 4th’s ever. (side note rant: what is this new trend about people whining that we refer to it as the ‘4th of July’ and NOT ‘Independence Day’. I heard SO many people complain about it this year. Really? That’s an issue that needs a stance? I so don’t get that)

My sister was up here for the week for her much needed vacation. So there was lots of fun and bargain shopping abounding. I loved that she was up here. AND…one of my most favorite things in the world is watching fireworks…so thanks to the Skysox (local baseball team) we got to watch fireworks on Friday AND Saturday night. THEN…on Sunday…the actual 4th…we decided to go out to Palmer Lake. There were food booths and live music and people galore. Course…only in Colorado would you see the normal Turkey Leg and Corn on the Cob booths…right down the row from...the Organic Chicken booth.

So after walking around to the little stores and such…and eating…outside on a blanket (I know-shocking for those that know me)…my friends had grace on me when I realized that not only had our bag become the new habitat for a gigantic granddaddy long-leg…but we were also sitting by some holes in the ground that were clearly not made by Prairie Dogs. Plus- it started sprinkling, so we grabbed our stuff…minus the spider…and went back to the Trailblazer.

Here’s where the fun truly abounded. We laid the seats down…and all piled in the back. We hung out telling stories…singing camp songs…making videos…all while it rained and HAILED off and on. The radio said the fireworks were still on…so we stayed. Then sure enough…at 9 on the dot…while the rain was still pouring down…the fireworks went off. Now as much as I hate the outdoors, I LOVE storms and rain…and I love being out in the rain (I’m a quandary of dichotomy, I know) So we all jumped OUT of the car and stood in the rain watching the fireworks…that were highlighted by the thunder and lightning happening in the background.

Tell me that’s not the greatest thing you’ve ever heard? I so loved it. It was some of my most favorite things and people…all rolled into one. It was a FANTASTIC ~~Independence Day~~ 4th of July! (heeheehee)

OH! and P.S….for all those on the edge of your seats waiting for the decision from the last post…I’m going with DISHES!!!! And now…the hunt for the perfect mix and colors begin…

pointless opinions needed

2010-06-20T14:54:00.002-06:00

Semi-pointless blog here...(I just always feel like I should warn you) But I am in need of opinions. Of course, please remember that the comment lines won’t open until the end of the blogging post…

So I decided when I got my Rewards Debit Card that I’m always going to use the rewards for something I need/want and never for anything ubberly responsible, like paying bills. Ok, that just sounded selfishly irresponsible. So I should clarify that 95.49302% of the time, I use ALL my extra money for bills…birthday money…Christmas money…etc. (mostly because I tend to always work for non-profits…which…you know…isn’t always so…profitable) So my rewards card selfish declaration isn’t really that selfish. I sometimes get SO ridiculously caught up in a frugal/conserve/responsible mindset that I start feeling guilty for ever spending money. If you could only witness the internal drama and guilt that occurs in my head when it comes time to buy make-up or something like that. It’s ridiculous really.

ANYWAYS...So last time I got the cash reward I got a fantastic bookcase for my office. Love it. Makes me freaking happy And now...it’s that time again, boys and girls…I have $100 to do whatever I want. But I can’t decide! Cause I need WAY too many things...so I’ve narrowed it down to a few items…and now…I need opinions…everyone ready?

#1. Luggage. My last set was given to me at my high school graduation. Which was…well…let’s just say that numerous reunions have already happened since then. It’s completely falling apart. I don’t have exact pictures of what I want…but TJ Maxx and Ross always have super cutie luggage for great prices.

#2. An office chair. For my office at home. And again, I don’t have an exact one picked out yet. I don’t want one with wheels like at work-offices…but I want a fun fabulous funky one that will DRAW me to my desk to work on things like blogging and studying and things like that.

#3. Dishes. I desperately need new plates and stuff in my kitchen. Actually, the kitchen is the one room I have yet to have even a remote decorating concept. It’s pretty eclectic and random right now. I do have wine bottles everywhere…but it’s not yet fully pulled together as an actual theme yet. I kind of have a concept I want to do for the dishes…but haven’t known how I could pull them off. I want to figure out how to mix vintage and modern (that’s pretty much the goal for my whole house) and square plates and round plates, etc. I think I want black and white…and then some sort of color (blue??) or pattern...or something. I really like some of these from Anthropologie...that I could mix in with plain black and white maybe? (Flaming Leaf and the Upsy Daisy set are my favorite) Should I go with these...that only have bowls and cups...then somehow coordinate my plates another way?? Oh the insanity! I JUST DON’T KNOW! (ANY opinions of how to do this is GREATLY appreciated)

#4. Pictures. So the one thing I DO have specific pictures of…are these pictures off Etsy from Sascalia's store. I would pick 3 of these for my living room.

So there you go...I'd love any and all opinions...phone lines are now open...

happiness is lubbock, tx...where?

2010-06-04T16:48:00.006-06:00

I made an interesting and perplexing discovery the last couple of weeks…and I don’t know what to do with it.

So I grew up in Lubbock, Texas...lived there for over 20 years. I know lots of people would give Lubbock a bad rap…but in reality, I truly loved it. (I think most people do, but just don’t want to admit it out loud) To me, it’s that perfect big-town-small-town-feel balance. For instance…it’s a college/university town, with 200,000+ population…but it wasn’t uncommon to have cotton fields right in the middle of the city between businesses. (ok, so that has changed over the yrs as the city has grown) Lubbock has great qualities…and I think it holds a very specific purpose in this world…but we won’t get into all that cause this really isn’t a post all about L-town.

The thing is…I moved to Colorado Springs in 2006 to do a Bible Program. My school ended a year ago…and I really didn’t see a big reason to move again…so I just stayed. I didn’t feel particularly connected to the Springs…but just on a practical side…it didn’t make sense to move either.

I’ve made many trips back to Lubbock…and I always love that feeling you get when you pull back into your hometown after you’ve been gone a long time. (I also did my YWAM stuff while living in Lubbock, and would be gone for months/year at a time so I've been in and out a lot) You know…it’s that feeling of nostalgia…comfort…belonging.

The last time I went back was at Christmas...and I still had that returning-feeling. Then, this month, for various reasons, we actually went to Lubbock for 2 weekends in a row. The first weekend, though…as we were pulling in…it hit me. That feeling wasn’t there. I didn’t feel connected like I always have in the past. The entire time I was there, I felt like a stranger who just happened to know my way around the city.

Honestly, I haven't had that feeling of connection about Colorado Springs, either…but I kinda thought maybe the transition had been made in my heart…but my head just hadn’t been aware until my trip back to Texas. The unfortunate part is…as we returned to CS and drove into the city…I didn’t have that “I’m home moment”…I had that exact same feeling I did when driving into Lubbock. A stranger…semi-connected and knowing my way around…but I didn’t feel like I was returning home.

I was kinda startled by these discoveries…and don’t really know what to do with it. I’m not in a “I want to move somewhere else mode”. I don’t think that’s part of God’s plan right now in the least. (hello! I’m still faithfully working on my list of people I want to move here to the Springs with me!) But it has made me feel very removed and unsure about everything. Well…ok...not EVERYTHING…but you know…just questioning...and asking “What the freaking heck, God”.

I also realized today that this month marks an entire year of I-have-no-idea-what-to-do-next-in-life-transition. How annoying is that? And here I thought the 4-5 month phase I went through in my early 20s was bad. I’ve had some rattlings around in my head about what I’d like to do…but the confirmation hasn’t been there in even the tiniest of concepts…so I’ve still just been living…and asking God what’s next…and waiting…and waiting…and waiting...

Sorry…I think this post is a little bit blah blah blah. This is why I usually don’t talk about the ponderings of my mind until I’ve fully processed them. But today…I just felt like sharing what’s in my head…soooooooo there it is. We'll try for more of a pick-me-up next week. :-p

*fyi...my foreign and non-Lubbock lovin friends...the title is a reference to an old song...'Happiness is Lubbock, TX in My Rearview Mirror'.